to East Nashville hot spot, The Family Wash. FILE/AWP
SWEET DREAMS FOR MCMAHON
Another prophetic quatrain revealed
By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press
East Nashville coach Jim McMahon kicked off his weekly press conference this morning with the announcement that another prophetic quatrain had been revealed to him last night in a dream.
Holding court at The Family Wash nightclub in East Nashville now that the Cherry Bomb Café is gone, McMahon said that once again he was visited by the apparition "Nostra-dumbass."
"Nostra — that's what I call him now — appeared to me again last night in a dream and told me he had another quatrain for me. I asked him if I should write it down and he said no, that I couldn't because I was asleep. But he said not to worry, that I would remember the quatrain. Then he told it to me:
There once was a man, Captain Bobber,
Who was really no more than a swabber.
He went to the East
To face the black beasts
And was covered with bloody, dog slobber.
"Obviously, this quatrain, like the other one, prophecizes a great victory this weekend for the Black Dogs over the Sea Hogs," the coach concluded. "Because our victory has been preordained, Buddy [Ryan, Black Dogs GM] has decided to greatly reduce our paramilitary defense force at the game. Instead of 400 Blackwater personnel, Buddy thinks a couple dozen, plus a tank and two Apache helicopters, will be fine."
When asked if Nostra-dumbass had revealed anything else of note, McMahon said he had. "Nostra said 'Manning is going to get hurt this weekend,' but I woke up before he could tell me which one."
Then McMahon switched gears. "But enough about Nostra-dumbass and his quatrains," he said. "I want to talk about Thurman Murrman. I got a call yesterday from DeWayne Van Zandt, the head bartender at Fat Bubba Dog's Gentlemen's Club in Alamo, and he said Thurman is in bad shape after losing to the Bakers by 100 points last weekend. DeWayne said Thurman was in the club late Monday night drinking Sloe Gin Fizzes and talking crazy talk, something about getting a gun and doing something with it. So, for the record, I want to say that Thurman is no longer my McBitch. He's the league bitch because everyone owns a piece of him now, even the Bakers.
"I have to say, I've always wondered about the wisdom of naming your team for a battle where your side got wiped out. The Alamo Mexicans would have been better." McMahon then laughed at his own joke and headed to the bar, where he hoped to teach the bartender how to mix a Touchdown Taser™.
