NOSTRADAMUS VALIDATED — NEW QUATRAIN RELEASED !!!
By Bill O’Really, FAUX News
Spurred on by news that their translation of Quatrain 220 was spot on, scholars at La Sorbonne in Paris have released a new quatrain from the recently discovered book of sports predictions (entitled "Le Prophecies de Sporte") authored by famed 16th century seer Nostradamus.
Pierre LePieu, chancellor of La Sorbonne, announced the release at a press conference held this morning in Paris. “When we learned zat Quatrain 220 correctly predicted le triumphe of ze Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs over ze West Nashville Beelzebubbas, we felt compelled to focus on quatrains which might predict other NFFA games, as Nostradamus was clearly interested in zat league,” said LePieu. “Ze new quatrain we are releasing today appears to fall into zat category.”
He ended the press conference with a personal note, “If I may say so, zat game zis past weekend was fantastique! Ze Sea Hogs kicked le merde out of ze Beelzebubbas. I offer my congratulations to Monsieur Bobbere.”
The new four-line poem, numbered 69 by Nostradamus, reads as follows:
Neither vegetable nor mineral, the pretender lays in wait
hoping to repeat his past triumph,
but he is no match for the tusked fish
that will tear him a new one.
Scholars believe that Quatrain 69 refers to Season 6, Week 9, and have dubbed the new quatrain “The Animal.” They believe that it predicts another victory for the Sea Hogs, this time against the Cambridge Animals who play the Sea Hogs this weekend. The last time the two teams met, the Animals pulled off an upset beating the Sea Hogs 192.5 to 182.5 in Week 2, the only loss by the Sea Hogs this season.
News of Quatrain 69 was greeted happily on Fidalgo Island where natives broke into spontaneous street celebrations. In Cambridge, a sense of doom hangs over the town. In Nashvegas, bookmakers were flooded with calls from bettors hoping to place a wager on the Sea Hogs before news of the prediction affected the betting line. A record amount of betting is expected this week based on the Nostradamus tip.
In a related matter, LB Channing Crowder, a member of the Animals’ scout team, says he didn't know until Tuesday that people in Paris speak French. "I couldn’t find Paris on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries," he said. "I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I know Paris Hilton. We went clubbin’ together, so I know her. That’s the closest thing I know to Paris. She’s an All-American girl, so I’m sure she’s not from Paris. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name."
