yesterday that originated in the visitors locker room.
BAKERS BURN LOCKER ROOM,
STOMP SEA HOGS LOGO
‘Time to get fired up,’ Sharif tells team
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
Continuing a pattern of blazes that seem to follow him, QCurl Sharif announced Sunday afternoon that there was no mystery about the latest Bakers-related fire. In an effort to inspire the streaking Bakers, who were poised to run their season record to an unprecedented 7-3, Sharif told his players just before kickoff at Fidalgo Island that “it’s time to get fired up, gentlemen” — then produced a military-issue flamethrower and set the visitors’ locker room ablaze.
As flames shot toward the ceiling and smoke poured out of the room, the Bakers ran up the stadium tunnel and took the field. Many fans in the stands later said they assumed the smoke was simply from a fog machine, admitting that it was curious that a visiting team would have access to such a device. “Then again,” said Sea Hogs ticket manager Fen Wei Park, “it’s the Bakers, and some of us just assumed they had a giant pregame spliff in there.”
Sharif’s dramatic act seems to have the desired effect, as the Bakers blitzed their way to an almost insurmountable 50-point lead on Sunday and never looked back. "That was exactly the idea,” said the tuxedo-clad Sharif in the owners box at Sea Hogs Stadium. “I was thinking of the way Cortez burned his ships after reaching Mexico, and I told our guys, ‘Victory or death!'"
Exuberant Bakers players also took out years of frustration, running en masse to midfield late in the contest and stomping on the Sea Hogs logo. FSN has learned that ostensibly confidential comments made by the Sea Hogs’ criminally insane owner, Tirik Obobber, to Commissioner William D. Money regarding the Bakers had somehow been forwarded to Sharif this week. “QCurl doesn’t even try,” said Obobber in a conversation that was recorded clandestinely.
“You can bet O’Boggle got on our bulletin board,” said Bakers coach Snoop Dogg. Then, pointing to the Sea Hogs logo on the field, he added with a cackle, “We had to put our damn foot down, fa shizzle.”
The all-volunteer Fidalgo Island fire department managed to extinguish the fire, but the locker room was described as a total loss. “Just send me the bill,” said Sharif. “I think our insurance covers this under an act of God.”
As flames shot toward the ceiling and smoke poured out of the room, the Bakers ran up the stadium tunnel and took the field. Many fans in the stands later said they assumed the smoke was simply from a fog machine, admitting that it was curious that a visiting team would have access to such a device. “Then again,” said Sea Hogs ticket manager Fen Wei Park, “it’s the Bakers, and some of us just assumed they had a giant pregame spliff in there.”
Sharif’s dramatic act seems to have the desired effect, as the Bakers blitzed their way to an almost insurmountable 50-point lead on Sunday and never looked back. "That was exactly the idea,” said the tuxedo-clad Sharif in the owners box at Sea Hogs Stadium. “I was thinking of the way Cortez burned his ships after reaching Mexico, and I told our guys, ‘Victory or death!'"
Exuberant Bakers players also took out years of frustration, running en masse to midfield late in the contest and stomping on the Sea Hogs logo. FSN has learned that ostensibly confidential comments made by the Sea Hogs’ criminally insane owner, Tirik Obobber, to Commissioner William D. Money regarding the Bakers had somehow been forwarded to Sharif this week. “QCurl doesn’t even try,” said Obobber in a conversation that was recorded clandestinely.
“You can bet O’Boggle got on our bulletin board,” said Bakers coach Snoop Dogg. Then, pointing to the Sea Hogs logo on the field, he added with a cackle, “We had to put our damn foot down, fa shizzle.”
The all-volunteer Fidalgo Island fire department managed to extinguish the fire, but the locker room was described as a total loss. “Just send me the bill,” said Sharif. “I think our insurance covers this under an act of God.”
