kill the Krankenstein monster.
MOJO D MOVES FOR KRANKENSTEIN RULE CHANGE
By Soren Bernyn, Fantasy Sports News
After a 60-point drubbing at the hands of "those filthy Animals," Midtown Mojo owner Mojo D has called for a rule change that "removes the tyranny of the kick returner."
Wearing a tie-dye shirt emblazoned with "Death to Krankenstein," Mojo D said: "It's ridiculous that burners who play for truly [expletive] teams are making the difference with standard-issue kick returns. Johnnie Lee Higgins? Josh Wilson? These are marquee players? Gimme a break. I'm playing Brandon Middleton just to try to keep up, but it feels dirty — this isn't strategy, it's a loophole. The criminally insane [Tirik Obobber] decoded it and has made it the single tactic he's using — that's part of what it makes it so distasteful to me.
"I'm the first to admit that I missed that in my draft and did not catch up in waivers either — it's just not real football. Run it back over 30 yards and I'm willing to concede a point, but notching 15-20 points per game because your team's getting rolled up on and you're getting mediocre run backs is just not football.
"All that said, I want to grudgingly congratulate my esteemed colleague from Cambridge, Dave the Animal, for his season-high score and welcome him to the NFFA's elite 200 Club. Those of us in the Club eagerly await the reopening of the Cherry Bomb and inviting Dave to join us in QCurl's exclusive 'CC' room for the traditional initiation ceremony. Biggs will provide much entertainment." In an homage to their shared mentor Jorge, Mojo D then threw back his head and laughed silently.
When asked about the Mojo's shifting front office, Mojo D read from a prepared statement. "The Pompatus of Love has returned to her preferred role as team inspiration. CO Jones is still the team enforcer, and rumors that he tossed Visante Shiancoe out of the team plane for his goose-egg performance cannot be proven, but are true. The team and Tom Brady are looking at legal options to deal with the Commissioner's outrageous suspension. The Beelzebubbas have loaned us their consigliere and noted first-amendment expert L.S. DeHayes to explore what's possible. We're paying his fine from the coffee can that says "Commish's Crazy Box," but Money's actions are just unAmerican. I've said along that he's a dangerously unbalanced sociopath and he's just showing his ass now. I think the Mojo is all up in his head since we were the last ones to beat those mangy Dogs. Even though he's mostly untouchable, he's still freaking out about facing the Mojo. Anything to be in Money's head — I'm for it."
Wearing a tie-dye shirt emblazoned with "Death to Krankenstein," Mojo D said: "It's ridiculous that burners who play for truly [expletive] teams are making the difference with standard-issue kick returns. Johnnie Lee Higgins? Josh Wilson? These are marquee players? Gimme a break. I'm playing Brandon Middleton just to try to keep up, but it feels dirty — this isn't strategy, it's a loophole. The criminally insane [Tirik Obobber] decoded it and has made it the single tactic he's using — that's part of what it makes it so distasteful to me.
"I'm the first to admit that I missed that in my draft and did not catch up in waivers either — it's just not real football. Run it back over 30 yards and I'm willing to concede a point, but notching 15-20 points per game because your team's getting rolled up on and you're getting mediocre run backs is just not football.
"All that said, I want to grudgingly congratulate my esteemed colleague from Cambridge, Dave the Animal, for his season-high score and welcome him to the NFFA's elite 200 Club. Those of us in the Club eagerly await the reopening of the Cherry Bomb and inviting Dave to join us in QCurl's exclusive 'CC' room for the traditional initiation ceremony. Biggs will provide much entertainment." In an homage to their shared mentor Jorge, Mojo D then threw back his head and laughed silently.
When asked about the Mojo's shifting front office, Mojo D read from a prepared statement. "The Pompatus of Love has returned to her preferred role as team inspiration. CO Jones is still the team enforcer, and rumors that he tossed Visante Shiancoe out of the team plane for his goose-egg performance cannot be proven, but are true. The team and Tom Brady are looking at legal options to deal with the Commissioner's outrageous suspension. The Beelzebubbas have loaned us their consigliere and noted first-amendment expert L.S. DeHayes to explore what's possible. We're paying his fine from the coffee can that says "Commish's Crazy Box," but Money's actions are just unAmerican. I've said along that he's a dangerously unbalanced sociopath and he's just showing his ass now. I think the Mojo is all up in his head since we were the last ones to beat those mangy Dogs. Even though he's mostly untouchable, he's still freaking out about facing the Mojo. Anything to be in Money's head — I'm for it."
