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| Greens owner Dave Goodrow — the man who would be king. |
By Ariel-Mutha Tafoya
FSN Sports
In a development that shook the venerable NFFA to its core, the Village Green completed a trade last week that brought RB Jahmyr Gibbs to their star-studded roster—and triggered a new, all-bets-are-off reality for the league.
After the trade, which sent Pakua Nacua to the Ballers, robust preseason betting activity at the Club Gitmo Sports Book dropped to zero, said Saddam Hussein, President of Iraq and CEO of Gitmo Sports Betting.
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” said Hussein. “Even after the fall of Baghdad, we were still taking bets at the Fallujah Sports Book. What happened with the Green puts us in uncharted territory. Nobody is willing to bet now; everyone considers the Green what you call a shoo-in. Under the circumstances, we had little choice but to take all odds on this year’s champion off the table.”
The NFFA Writers Association has also anointed the Green as this year’s champion, posting a story that described “the actual games this season as a mere formality,” and naming the team’s Stuart Smalley as Coach of the Year.
“He’s good enough, and he’s smart enough,” wrote the Tennessean’s Woody Larry, “and now with Joe Burrow, JaMarr Chase and Jahmyr Gibbs he has the greatest talent ever assembled on one team before a season began.
“Though let’s be real: Even [former Bakers coach] Stumpy Legg could win a title with this team.”
Hussein noted that, in response to the trade, the Sports Book had opened a betting line for anyone willing to wager that the Green would NOT win the title. “Even then, we couldn’t get any takers,” he said. “We’ve pivoted to prop bets to get enough action to keep the lights on here.”
As one example, Hussein cited the availability of odds on which round the London Bakers would use to draft rookie QB Cam Ward. Bettors could bet on a particular round and also wager on the over/under, which was set at 4.5 rounds. Betting on that proposition was reported as “extremely brisk” this afternoon.
“I personally know that (Black Dogs Coach) Jim McMahon bet 100 Linardos that the Bakers would take Cam in Round 2,” Larry said. “I know this because I was standing right behind him in line, preparing to put my whole paycheck on the under.”
Larry also dropped a bombshell, suggesting McMahon had inside information before his bet.
“While we were waiting in line,” Larry wrote, “Mac told me that (Bakers owner) QCurl Sharif had been holding seances with Rob Bironas and Steve McNair to ask their advice about when to draft Ward. He said he learned about it from Meta World Death, who was ‘on the other side’ when he walked into Bironas’ room to invite him for a drink and saw him engaged in the séance with Sharif.
Apparently, that’s what Sir Q has been doing when he tells people he’s going to his sensory deprivation chamber. He's been locking himself in a private room and summoning his dead players. It’s eerily reminiscent of the dark days when he was talking to the paintings upstairs at the Cherry Bomb.”
In recent weeks, Sharif’s Paisley Humvee has been spotted entering the cemetery in Nashville’s Berry Hill area where Bironas is buried. Though Bakers security personnel prevented journalists from entering the cemetery while Sharif’s vehicle was there, visitors who came after the Bakers owner departed showed reporters items they claim to have found at Bironas’ gravesite, including an Ouija board, several Mexican saints’ candles, a signed Bironas jersey, empty Grey Goose vodka bottles and an opium pipe.
Sharif could not be reached for comment. Bakers spokesmaven Faith Popcorn said he was “in seclusion and must not be disturbed.”
