CORSAIRS CELEBRATE 4-0 START

Mojo D holds forth at the Downtown Corsairs' "4-0: Here We Go!" Celebration at The Palm Saturday. He conjured up the team's 2012 championship, including the infamous "Rather Be Lucky Than Good" ring.

By Soren Bernyn
FSN

Planet Corsair partied hearty in downtown Nashville Saturday, as Corsair owner Mojo D threw a lavish "4-0: Here We Go!” extravaganza at power-broker steakhouse The Palm. What started as a media availability soon turned into a swank throw-down for the downtown Nashville glitterati, with Nashville Mayor Karl Dean, Nashville chanteuse Hayden Panetierre, US Rep. Jim Cooper, and ex-pat Taylor Swift enjoying The Palm's wildly popular "60-Burger” (an homage to Corsair QB Andrew Luck’s remarkable early season success: a double-Angus burger with white American cheese on a white-bread bun crusted with black truffle flakes), and pitchers of Corsair Triple Smoke Bourbon Manhattans, seasoned in Armagnac casks (courtesy of Corsair founder and fashionista Darek Bell). 

In the background, Jack White led an all-star band - including Victor Wooten on bass, Steve Winwoood on B3, and Keb Mo' on guitar - in a set of downtempo covers of Brazilian superstar Gilberto Gil, fronted by white-hot Meghan Trainor ("All About That Bass"). Despite a very public split before the season, White and Mojo D have appeared to patch things up, and dueted for a verse of “Girl from Ipanema."

Despite the protests of his staff, Mojo D took the microphone and answered some questions from the gathered Corsairs faithful:
Comment on the Corsairs 4-0 start...
"It's what we planned from the start, but for damn sure not how we planned it - how do you plan for losing your stud, keeper RB?.
There are some especially gratifying stats:
- a sweep of the Jorge - same as our 2012 championship season
- a 3-game cushion in the division, which doesn’t say much for the rest of these assholes
- Top of the power ranks, even though I have no idea what that means
- We are most proud of the team’s 94% coaching efficiency: Ray Ray is a damn genius."
*Notably. there were no Corsairs players present, nor was coach Ray Lewis. Officially, all personnel were focused on their Week 5 tilt with the Village Green. But sources close to the Corsairs report that Lewis feared that celebrating a 4-0 start was “premature e-smackulation” and would bring bad juju to the team, and encouraged his players to avoid the event.

Your early season success has given the Dogs and Bubbas their only losses - talk about your decisions so far.
"Start with Lucky: he has been a machine. My best draft ever kept the loss of AP from ending my season; the Bell-Bernard backfield has been solid, and has helped shore up an average performance from DezMaryius. Add a couple of key free agents: Kelvin Benjamin will be a top 5 WR; maybe not this season. And Matt Asiata has been a revelation - 28 points in week 4: who da thunk it?"
Why didn't you Asiata start this week?
"Research! There are teams in this league that don’t do theirs, but road teams on Thursdays are dismal. Love him, but knew it was not Matt's night." (note: Asiata scored 4.2 points Thursday)

Give us a preview of this week's matchup...
"Poor Goodrow: I predict such a crushing loss that he will leave Nashvegas, chased from the Village with pitchforks and torches -- not just for generally shitty play, but mostly for firing the beloved Stuart Smalley. John Wayne is just way too butch for the Village - bold choice, but I don’t think the Duke can help them.
Goodrow fancies myself my nemesis, and he may have earned that privilege. He owned me last season, and there will be payback."

Some have criticized you tonight for celebrating too early - what do you say to them?
"Asher has taught me that every moment is precious, and you gotta appreciate the right now.  This moment is beautiful for Asher, and the Corsairs thing is pretty cool too. Delight in all your blessings."