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| The Village Green owner Dave Goodridge fired coach Stuart Smalley (left) last night and replaced him with offensive coordinator John Wayne (right). |
From wire service reports
In a tersely written release, The Village Green ownership canned third-year head coach Stuart Smalley.
Reached for comment at the Goodrow-A-Go-Go watering hole last night, Dave Goodrow said, "It's in the long-term interest of The Village Green to terminate the contract of Coach Smalley. Effective immediately, offensive coordinator John Wayne will take over head coaching responsibilities.
"After tonight we'll be 1-3, and that's just not acceptable," Goodrow continued. "I'm glad to have John Wayne's Iowa-bred, no-fuckin'-around attitude back on the field and in the locker room."
When reached for comment, Wayne said, "I've come save your team, pilgrim."
Insiders close to this team noticed the tenor of the locker room had changed soon after the 2013 mandatory meggings company policy had been implemented.
"Our workforce had changed over 200 percent in the last six months, no thanks to those meggings!" Goodrow groused. "We're just not ready for a staff of thin, well-groomed men to run this joint, and Coach Smalley wasn't doing us any favors either. He simply lost the team when his attention turned to the tightness of the meggings."
"This is just a big publicity stunt for Smalley," retorted Mojo D, owner of the archrival Downtown Corsairs, when he heard the news last night. "We all know damn well that he's launching his new megging product line on tonight's Monday Night Football. This is all about the GREEN!"
By press time, the Associated Web Press had confirmed reports that a 30-second, live commercial, which aired during the fourth quarter of last night's Chief-Patriots game, was paid for by Meggings by Smalley Inc. Many sources in the garment industry have confirmed the launch of Smalley's new meggings line, "Kansas City Faggots." It was Smalley's tribute to Blazing Saddles' creator, Mel Brooks.
"After tonight we'll be 1-3, and that's just not acceptable," Goodrow continued. "I'm glad to have John Wayne's Iowa-bred, no-fuckin'-around attitude back on the field and in the locker room."
When reached for comment, Wayne said, "I've come save your team, pilgrim."
Insiders close to this team noticed the tenor of the locker room had changed soon after the 2013 mandatory meggings company policy had been implemented.
"Our workforce had changed over 200 percent in the last six months, no thanks to those meggings!" Goodrow groused. "We're just not ready for a staff of thin, well-groomed men to run this joint, and Coach Smalley wasn't doing us any favors either. He simply lost the team when his attention turned to the tightness of the meggings."
"This is just a big publicity stunt for Smalley," retorted Mojo D, owner of the archrival Downtown Corsairs, when he heard the news last night. "We all know damn well that he's launching his new megging product line on tonight's Monday Night Football. This is all about the GREEN!"
By press time, the Associated Web Press had confirmed reports that a 30-second, live commercial, which aired during the fourth quarter of last night's Chief-Patriots game, was paid for by Meggings by Smalley Inc. Many sources in the garment industry have confirmed the launch of Smalley's new meggings line, "Kansas City Faggots." It was Smalley's tribute to Blazing Saddles' creator, Mel Brooks.
Does this mean no more Battle of the Bulge nights at the Goodrow-a-GoGo?
ReplyDeleteStuart is rumored to be in the running for the head coaching job with the Animals.
ReplyDelete