12TH AVENUE HOODOO 50K Bakers fans to get free Andrew Luck voodoo dolls

Thanks to Roshen Confectionery, the first 50,000 Bakers fans to arrive at The Chocolate Palace tomorrow will receive free Andrew Luck voodoo dolls.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

12th Avenue Bakers owner QCurl Sharif didn't get much sleep Thursday night — but not for the usual reasons. No, it was newly acquired quarterback Kirk Cousins' disappointing 17.9-point performance against the Downtown Corsairs earlier that evening that had given Sharif insomnia. When he awoke Friday morning, he had one thought in mind: "I need a witch doctor."

Now Sharif is no stranger to the occult, and his rivalry with the Corsairs is so bitter it comes as no surprise he would seek help from the supernatural. Of course, this being Nashvegas, by lunchtime he had located a witch doctor from New Orleans off Nolensville Road in Antioch. "He came highly recommended," Sharif told the AWP by phone earlier today.

"Since our quarterback underperformed, the witch doctor prescribed a little hoodoo curse, said I should make a voodoo doll for my opponent's quarterback, who is Andrew Luck," the Bakers owner explained. "The idea was to stick pins in the arm of the doll that corresponds to Luck's throwing arm, which is his right. I thought why stop with one Andrew Luck voodoo doll? Why not make it a big promotion, you know, give one to every fan who comes through the gate on Sunday and really bring the pain to Luck's arm.

"So I got on the phone to CK [Chocolate King Petro Poroshenko] and asked him if his chocolate company Roshen would foot the bill for the dolls," Sharif continued. "Naturally, he said yes. Like any loyal Bakers fan, he can't stand the Corsairs.

"As part of the deal, at every home game one lucky fan will be rewarded with the solid Chocolate King Doll, made of the strongest Peruvian chocolate to be found," he added. "100 percent cacao. Each Chocolate King Doll winner will become eligible for a drawing at the end of the year to have dinner with me on the eve of the NFFA championship game."

The Chocolate Palace, as Bakers stadium is now known, has a capacity of nearly 80,000, so as it turns out, not everyone will receive an Andrew Luck voodoo doll. Because of the short turnaround, 50,000 was the maximum order the Bakers could place and still receive the dolls by game time. "The first 50,000 fans will get one — still plenty of people to stick it to Luck," Sharif concluded with a laugh.

Luck was not available for comment at the time of publication. More on this story as it develops.