for photos before yesterday's press conference.
‘UNITY’ PRESS CONFERENCE ENDS IN MEDIA RIOT
Bush asks for calm as reporters hurl shoes at Money
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
It was billed as a “unity” press conference to bring all NFFA owners together to meet President George W. Bush, who is attending the league’s championship weekend in Nashvegas. But the event ended in utter chaos as reporters — along with at least two NFFA owners — began hurling shoes at Commissioner William D. Money midway through a question-and-answer session.
It began quietly enough Friday afternoon, as Money introduced the president, who told the assembled media that he was excited, finally, to attend an NFFA game. “Jorge Linardo has done so much for the cause of peace and injustice that, when he called and invited me to the championship game, I jumped out my chair and said, ‘Yes-s-s!’ and started squealing like a pig. I can’t wait to throw out the first pitch. I hear East Nashville is not much safer than East Baghdad, but I can tell you it’s a lot more fun.”
Bush also noted that he planned to “drop by” Grey Goose Stadium for the third-place battle between the Atlanta Smack Daddies and 12th Avenue Bakers. In a surprise announcement, Bush also said he was going to officially dedicate the reopened Cherry Bomb Café with club owner QCurl Sharif. “I want to try me one of those Touchdown Tasers™ while I’m there,” Bush said. “Condi says they take hair off your chest.”
While the media was mostly polite to Bush, the mood turned ugly when Money began fielding questions. First, the City Paper’s Dicky Cox asked why Money planned to bestow an award for “Commissioner of the Year.”
“We haven’t announced anything like that yet,” Money demurred.
“Sources say you’re announcing it today,” Cox persisted.
“No comment,” said Money.
“This is a great idea,” chimed in Bush. “I could be President of the Year.”
Then FSN’s Owen Cash asked Money about reports that the commissioner’s office had colluded with the Music City Sports Book to set ridiculously high point spreads — averaging 124 points — for games involving the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs. “Isn’t it true,” Cash demanded, “that you helped set the spreads, then turned around and bet a million dollars each week on the Sea Hogs to cover? And isn’t it true that you wired your winnings to a bank in the Cayman Islands to avoid taxes? And isn’t it true that you told your fellow owners that the point spread was just a technical glitch in the system?”
“No, no, no,” Money sputtered, but it was too late. At that point, The Tennessean’s Joe Biddle removed his tassle loafer and hurled it at Money, narrowly missing his head. Bush caught a second shoe aimed at Money before Secret Service agents moved in and hustled him out of the room.
Then other reporters began removing their shoes and flinging them at Money, who ran from the room amid the hailstorm of footwear. Among those seen throwing objects were Beelzebubbas Coach Boyd X. Biggs, who later retrieved the pair of Dan Post lizard-skin boots he had tossed, and Smack Daddies owner Lex Dominica, who sources said was resentful that this week’s playoff game had been wrongfully moved from Atlanta.
“It’s kind of gratifying not to be the least popular guy in the room,” Bush quipped later.
Said Sharif, who had been sitting on the front row, “There were so many people in their stocking feet, I thought it was one of my Friday afternoon goodwill visits to the Islamic Center down the street. I’m just glad Furious wasn’t there. I guarantee he’d have been flinging something other than shoes.”
It began quietly enough Friday afternoon, as Money introduced the president, who told the assembled media that he was excited, finally, to attend an NFFA game. “Jorge Linardo has done so much for the cause of peace and injustice that, when he called and invited me to the championship game, I jumped out my chair and said, ‘Yes-s-s!’ and started squealing like a pig. I can’t wait to throw out the first pitch. I hear East Nashville is not much safer than East Baghdad, but I can tell you it’s a lot more fun.”
Bush also noted that he planned to “drop by” Grey Goose Stadium for the third-place battle between the Atlanta Smack Daddies and 12th Avenue Bakers. In a surprise announcement, Bush also said he was going to officially dedicate the reopened Cherry Bomb Café with club owner QCurl Sharif. “I want to try me one of those Touchdown Tasers™ while I’m there,” Bush said. “Condi says they take hair off your chest.”
While the media was mostly polite to Bush, the mood turned ugly when Money began fielding questions. First, the City Paper’s Dicky Cox asked why Money planned to bestow an award for “Commissioner of the Year.”
“We haven’t announced anything like that yet,” Money demurred.
“Sources say you’re announcing it today,” Cox persisted.
“No comment,” said Money.
“This is a great idea,” chimed in Bush. “I could be President of the Year.”
Then FSN’s Owen Cash asked Money about reports that the commissioner’s office had colluded with the Music City Sports Book to set ridiculously high point spreads — averaging 124 points — for games involving the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs. “Isn’t it true,” Cash demanded, “that you helped set the spreads, then turned around and bet a million dollars each week on the Sea Hogs to cover? And isn’t it true that you wired your winnings to a bank in the Cayman Islands to avoid taxes? And isn’t it true that you told your fellow owners that the point spread was just a technical glitch in the system?”
“No, no, no,” Money sputtered, but it was too late. At that point, The Tennessean’s Joe Biddle removed his tassle loafer and hurled it at Money, narrowly missing his head. Bush caught a second shoe aimed at Money before Secret Service agents moved in and hustled him out of the room.
Then other reporters began removing their shoes and flinging them at Money, who ran from the room amid the hailstorm of footwear. Among those seen throwing objects were Beelzebubbas Coach Boyd X. Biggs, who later retrieved the pair of Dan Post lizard-skin boots he had tossed, and Smack Daddies owner Lex Dominica, who sources said was resentful that this week’s playoff game had been wrongfully moved from Atlanta.
“It’s kind of gratifying not to be the least popular guy in the room,” Bush quipped later.
Said Sharif, who had been sitting on the front row, “There were so many people in their stocking feet, I thought it was one of my Friday afternoon goodwill visits to the Islamic Center down the street. I’m just glad Furious wasn’t there. I guarantee he’d have been flinging something other than shoes.”
