she used to remove Triki Bobber's testicles.
McMAHON ADMITS LICKING BOBBER’S BALLS
‘Didn’t realize what I was doing,’ Dogs coach says, ‘But it tasted good’
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
Hardly anyone inside the NFFA took it seriously when Triki Bobber, the criminally insane and imprisoned ex-president of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs, combined a doctored charity auction photo of Hillary Clinton with the upcoming People magazine cover to suggest that Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon is an out-of-the-closet homosexual. “Bless his heart,” reacted team president Clinton. “I worry whether he’s getting his mad cow medication in prison.”
Nevertheless, the story prompted an unsolicited phone call from FBI Special Agent Clarice Starling, who provided startling new details in the Bobber case. Though Agent Starling claimed to have no knowledge of whether McMahon, who is famously single, is gay, she did drop this bombshell: McMahon has tasted Bobber’s testicles.
Out of consideration for Bobber’s privacy (and privates), Starling originally failed to divulge one of the most intriguing events from Bobber’s savage beating by Meemaw Murrman in Alamo, Texas — a beating prompted by threats from Bobber against several longtime Hispanic customers of Murrman’s restaurant, Fat Bubbadog’s Sunny Side Up.
After knocking Bobber unconscious with a cast-iron skillet, several restaurant patrons dragged Bobber to the kitchen, where Meemaw Murrman removed his testicles with the garden shears she uses on her rosebushes outside. “I just snipped ‘em right off,” Murrman confirmed to this reporter, “just like you’d prune a deadhead.”
Murrman’s fry cook, Baldemar “Chuy” Chicharones, snatched the severed testicles, washed them off, place them in a zip-lock bag and stored them in the freezer. “Huevos el hombre,” explained Chicharones, who speaks no English. “Mucho gusto.”
Chicharones remembered and quickly unthawed the frozen testicles when McMahon came to the Sunny Side Up for breakfast — after spending all of Sunday night next door at Fat Bubbadog’s Gentlemen’s Club — following the Black Dogs victory over the Alamo Scouts. Dipped in a light batter and fried, the “huevos” were served to McMahon with the Southwestern omelet he had ordered. “I noticed he had a happy plate,” Meemaw Murrman said afterward. “There was nothing left on it, and he walked out with a smile.”
Agent Starling noted that Bobber has since been fitted with prosthetic testicles. She also said that Murrman’s act had not affected Bobber’s ability to father children, since he had undergone a court-ordered sterilization as a teenager in Arkansas.
Reached early Thursday morning at Foobar in East Nashville, McMahon expressed surprise that he had consumed Bobber’s testicles. “You know, I remember asking Meemaw about them at the time, and she said they were calf fries — a local delicacy,” McMahon said. “They were kind of like salmon croquettes. Very tasty, too.
“It’s kind of funny,” McMahon added after a sip of his drink. “I heard after we beat them in week one that Bobber said I could lick his balls. Karma’s kind of a bitch, huh?"
When a reporter asked about Bobber’s allegations of homosexuality, McMahon smiled wanly and said, “You know, I’ve been married for many years. Her name is Margarita. And I believe I’ll have another.”
Nevertheless, the story prompted an unsolicited phone call from FBI Special Agent Clarice Starling, who provided startling new details in the Bobber case. Though Agent Starling claimed to have no knowledge of whether McMahon, who is famously single, is gay, she did drop this bombshell: McMahon has tasted Bobber’s testicles.
Out of consideration for Bobber’s privacy (and privates), Starling originally failed to divulge one of the most intriguing events from Bobber’s savage beating by Meemaw Murrman in Alamo, Texas — a beating prompted by threats from Bobber against several longtime Hispanic customers of Murrman’s restaurant, Fat Bubbadog’s Sunny Side Up.
After knocking Bobber unconscious with a cast-iron skillet, several restaurant patrons dragged Bobber to the kitchen, where Meemaw Murrman removed his testicles with the garden shears she uses on her rosebushes outside. “I just snipped ‘em right off,” Murrman confirmed to this reporter, “just like you’d prune a deadhead.”
Murrman’s fry cook, Baldemar “Chuy” Chicharones, snatched the severed testicles, washed them off, place them in a zip-lock bag and stored them in the freezer. “Huevos el hombre,” explained Chicharones, who speaks no English. “Mucho gusto.”
Chicharones remembered and quickly unthawed the frozen testicles when McMahon came to the Sunny Side Up for breakfast — after spending all of Sunday night next door at Fat Bubbadog’s Gentlemen’s Club — following the Black Dogs victory over the Alamo Scouts. Dipped in a light batter and fried, the “huevos” were served to McMahon with the Southwestern omelet he had ordered. “I noticed he had a happy plate,” Meemaw Murrman said afterward. “There was nothing left on it, and he walked out with a smile.”
Agent Starling noted that Bobber has since been fitted with prosthetic testicles. She also said that Murrman’s act had not affected Bobber’s ability to father children, since he had undergone a court-ordered sterilization as a teenager in Arkansas.
Reached early Thursday morning at Foobar in East Nashville, McMahon expressed surprise that he had consumed Bobber’s testicles. “You know, I remember asking Meemaw about them at the time, and she said they were calf fries — a local delicacy,” McMahon said. “They were kind of like salmon croquettes. Very tasty, too.
“It’s kind of funny,” McMahon added after a sip of his drink. “I heard after we beat them in week one that Bobber said I could lick his balls. Karma’s kind of a bitch, huh?"
When a reporter asked about Bobber’s allegations of homosexuality, McMahon smiled wanly and said, “You know, I’ve been married for many years. Her name is Margarita. And I believe I’ll have another.”
