By Soren Bernyn
FSPN
In a stunning (if not unexpected) turn of events, Xi Jinping denounced the 2022 NFFA Champion Ballers as a "Western exploitation that distorts traditional Chinese Communist values" and banned all mention of the Ballers on media, as well as staged a wholesale destruction of Baller-branded merch. The fires could be seen from space, and the billowing smoke caused panic on Taiwan when the massive cloud reached its shores.
Legions of Chinese Ballers fans were snatched off the street for wearing the team's massively trending Baller-logo Snack Hoodie [below: Charles Barkley stars in the marketing], which burns especially quickly with its black-glitter embellishments.
Within a few days, it appears that the Ballers have been largely erased from what had been the team's largest global market; but the hardcore fans always find a way - a dedicated underground is still connected through Mojo D's Signal feed via a burgeoning satellite-VPN powered by Starlink, but the Chinese cyber-defenses are "tenacious and ruthless," in one analyst's estimation.
But where is Mojo D? It seems like a perpetual question every off-season.
There are occasional posts on Signal, mostly innocuous and typical for the mercurial reigning champion of the NFFA - psychonautic adventures of inner space, extravagant gourmet meals he prepared for the glitterati, astral projection, ego destruction, obscure retreats in odd places, LOTS of videos of the Aurora Borealis that were probably a lot more interesting on DMT.
But there is also a persistent thread that suggests Mojo D has been experimenting with a proprietary AI engine developed by his "army of not-too-evil geniuses" and named "E-Lite" ["not 'uh-leet,' motherf*cker -- 'EE-lite'!" he told one reporter who pronounced it wrong.]
FSPN reached out to Mojo D for comment, and his only response so far has been "It's sad really -- we used to be friends. Chairman Xi may not be a dictator, but he sure is a dick."
Stay tuned to FSPN for more on this developing story.
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