BETTER LATE THAN NEVER Dead Lombardi trophy finally delivered to Ballers

Ballers owner (shown above with his 2022 championship ring) finally received the Dead Lombardi trophy on Friday in a ceremony at Club Gitmo Sports Book.

By R.E. Porter

Associated Web Press

More than a month after the Ballers laid claim to the 2022 NFFA crown, the Dead Lombardi trophy was finally delivered to team owner Mojo D Friday afternoon with little-to-no fanfare. The delay was caused by the confusion over who actually won the title game following cancelation of the contest between the Buffalo Bills and Cincinnati Bengals on championship weekend.

Based on incomplete results at the end of that weekend, the Village Green were initially declared the winners. That prompted league personnel to prematurely deliver the 2022 Dead Lombardi trophy to the Green and congratulate the franchise on social media. The league soon realized its error, and Commissioner Bernie Sanders asked that the Green return the trophy while the final results were determined. Around the same time, London Bakers owner QCurl Sharif declared his team “interim champions” by virtue of their win in the third-place game.

By the time word reached the Green that they should return the Dead Lombardi trophy, team sources say owner Dave Goodrow had taken the trophy with him to Miami where he boarded a yacht and sailed into international waters for a week of nonstop partying to celebrate his team’s victory. 

To say the trophy incurred some damage during the week it was on Goodrow’s yacht would be a gross understatement. When it was finally returned to NFFA headquarters, one league official described it as being in an irreparable condition.

“First, the trophy was severely dented,” the official who wished not to be identified said. “And it was badly discolored, probably as a result of being urinated on many times. I say that because it smelled like cat piss. Plus, it was covered in what looked like dried feces. I mean, it was so foul we hired a company that disposes of toxic wastes to come take it away for us.”

When reached for comment, Goodrow said he had no idea how the trophy came to be in that condition, although he did acknowledge it may have been dropped. “But only once, if that,” he insisted. He went on to suggest whichever carrier the Green used when they returned the trophy to the league had likely caused the damage.

A replacement trophy had to be ordered, and it was finally delivered to league offices early in the week. That led to the quiet, hastily arranged ceremony at Club Gitmo Sports Book on Friday at which Commissioner Sanders presented the new trophy to Mojo D. League co-founder Dr. Jorge Linardo was on hand for the occasion, as was Saddam Hussein, manager of the sports book.

“Congratulations to the Ballers,” Sanders said as he handed the trophy to Mojo D. “And congratulations to Mojo D for joining the exclusive club of NFFA owners with four championship rings.”

A subdued Mojo D thanked the commissioner and the others gathered on behalf of the Ballers organization, but made no further remarks. The ceremony was over in a matter of minutes.

One might think with the Dead Lombardi trophy finally in the hands of the Ballers the 2022 NFFA season could at last be put to bed. But maybe not. The Bakers have an interim Dead Lombardi trophy, an exact replica of the official one, on display at Sharif’s London club, The One Eyed Pig. According to the Daily Mirror, the trophy has become a genuine attraction and business is booming day and night at the Pig.

Prior to the Super Bowl, with his team on the brink of winning the “Don’t Be a Cornuto” playoff league, Sharif said, “I will posit that if the Bakers win the ‘Don’t Be a Cornuto’ league, and combined with our division title and our interim regular season championship, that we will have more right to claim overall NFFA supremacy in 2022 than the Ballers.”

While the Bakers did win the playoff league, Sharif would be hard-pressed to find anyone outside Bakers nation who would agree with his assessment of the situation. But he’s not the only owner who thinks there will always be questions about the Ballers’ 2022 title.

“It will always be tainted,” one owner who spoke on condition of anonymity said. “In most people’s minds, there will always be an asterisk next to the 2022 champion. Maybe even in Mojo D’s mind, too.”