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| Three of the shamans who answered DTA’s call to cast the “Mother of all Curses” on the Beelzebubbas are pictured above. The Asian medicine woman at top holds sorcerer dolls of 'Bubbas owner Mos' Ded and his wife, Bos' Ded. |
By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press
Cambridge owner Dave the Animal had already declared West Nashville owner/GM Mos’ Ded his most hated rival long before their teams went head-to-head in the 2015 NFFA championship game, a game won by the Animals. But now, a postgame slight by Ded has DTA threatening to unleash “the Mother of all Curses” on the Beelzebubbas owner and his team, the AWP has learned.
According to a source inside the Cambridge organization who wished to remain anonymous, a week has passed since the title game and Mos’ Ded still hasn’t extended any form of congratulations to DTA on the Animals’ first championship. “Of course, it’s poor sportsmanship,” the source said, “but it’s deeper than that with DTA. It’s all about Brady.”
DTA’s beef with Ded goes all the way back to last season, the week before the trade deadline. Brady was the Animals star quarterback, but was no longer eligible to be the team’s keeper at the position. The ’Bubbas faced the same scenario with their star quarterback, Drew Brees. So in an effort to circumvent the keeper eligibility rule, DTA and Ded agreed to swap QBs before the trade deadline with the intention of trading them back immediately after the 2015 NFFA draft. But prior to the draft, Ded traded Brady to QCurl Sharif and the 12th Avenue Bakers, the Animals’ longtime bitter rival. “It was like a kick in the gut to DTA,” the source said. “He really couldn’t believe Ded had [expletive] him like that. They’ve been friends for 30 years.”
For his part, Ded said he offered to trade Brady back to DTA, an offer DTA allegedly said he would consider after week 5, an apparent reference to Brady’s four-game suspension that was later overturned in federal court. But DTA said Ded’s claim is not true, adding, “Mos’ Ded is a total liar.”
Continuing, the source said, “Then more recently when Mos' Ded didn’t congratulate DTA after the big game, DTA declared war on the Beelzebubbas. He convened a conference of shaman, wiccans, and other medicine men and women to come up with the 'Mother of all Curses' to cast upon Mos’ Ded and the ’Bubbas.”
According to the source, the participants in the conference represented a wide range of indigenous, shamanic traditions from across the globe, with medicine men and women on hand from Guatemala, China, the United States, Mexico, Australia, Haiti, Fiji, and Siberia.
When reached for comment about the conference of shamans, Cambridge GM/Coach Wilder the Animal said, “All I know is that dad met with the Star Council in something rated ‘R,’ so I couldn’t attend. Yes, many of them looked like witches and conjurors, but that’s nothing new. What was new was the nudity, and the enormous effigy of Mos’ Ded — actually only the effigy was new. Namath was there, of course, trying to kiss my mom and, for that matter, Mos’ Ded. There was some talk about mothers and curses, and at one point, my dad did ascend into the heavens and burst into flame, which is what happens sometimes when he’s either drinking or cursing. It’s hard to tell.
“I think the controversy is more complicated than just the Brady thing, although my dad is very proud of having developed every single successful quarterback in the NFFA, which has nothing to do with his products, by the way,” WTA continued. “When it was discovered that a half ton of Methwell (Superhuman Growth Hormone) had been delivered to Mos’ Ded’s wife, Bos’ Ded, and that she was close to Peyton—very close, we’ve been told—well, when Peyton collapsed and was ultimately released, Mos’ Ded claimed we’d actually sent Methmouth instead, our product that is intended to break down bone and teeth mass in people with enormous heads. And that simply wasn’t true.
“And my father, whatever his enormous faults, is utterly devoted to his customers and would never send them products detrimental to their spiritual health. He’s not so much interested in their bodies, of course. Anyhow, my dad was very angry about that, and he let it be known that it was Bos’ Ded who took the Methwell, giving Peyton the Methmouth she’d ordered to help with her husband’s ‘bone structure problems—his head is simply too big for his body.’ ”
According to a source inside the Cambridge organization who wished to remain anonymous, a week has passed since the title game and Mos’ Ded still hasn’t extended any form of congratulations to DTA on the Animals’ first championship. “Of course, it’s poor sportsmanship,” the source said, “but it’s deeper than that with DTA. It’s all about Brady.”
DTA’s beef with Ded goes all the way back to last season, the week before the trade deadline. Brady was the Animals star quarterback, but was no longer eligible to be the team’s keeper at the position. The ’Bubbas faced the same scenario with their star quarterback, Drew Brees. So in an effort to circumvent the keeper eligibility rule, DTA and Ded agreed to swap QBs before the trade deadline with the intention of trading them back immediately after the 2015 NFFA draft. But prior to the draft, Ded traded Brady to QCurl Sharif and the 12th Avenue Bakers, the Animals’ longtime bitter rival. “It was like a kick in the gut to DTA,” the source said. “He really couldn’t believe Ded had [expletive] him like that. They’ve been friends for 30 years.”
For his part, Ded said he offered to trade Brady back to DTA, an offer DTA allegedly said he would consider after week 5, an apparent reference to Brady’s four-game suspension that was later overturned in federal court. But DTA said Ded’s claim is not true, adding, “Mos’ Ded is a total liar.”
Continuing, the source said, “Then more recently when Mos' Ded didn’t congratulate DTA after the big game, DTA declared war on the Beelzebubbas. He convened a conference of shaman, wiccans, and other medicine men and women to come up with the 'Mother of all Curses' to cast upon Mos’ Ded and the ’Bubbas.”
According to the source, the participants in the conference represented a wide range of indigenous, shamanic traditions from across the globe, with medicine men and women on hand from Guatemala, China, the United States, Mexico, Australia, Haiti, Fiji, and Siberia.
When reached for comment about the conference of shamans, Cambridge GM/Coach Wilder the Animal said, “All I know is that dad met with the Star Council in something rated ‘R,’ so I couldn’t attend. Yes, many of them looked like witches and conjurors, but that’s nothing new. What was new was the nudity, and the enormous effigy of Mos’ Ded — actually only the effigy was new. Namath was there, of course, trying to kiss my mom and, for that matter, Mos’ Ded. There was some talk about mothers and curses, and at one point, my dad did ascend into the heavens and burst into flame, which is what happens sometimes when he’s either drinking or cursing. It’s hard to tell.
“I think the controversy is more complicated than just the Brady thing, although my dad is very proud of having developed every single successful quarterback in the NFFA, which has nothing to do with his products, by the way,” WTA continued. “When it was discovered that a half ton of Methwell (Superhuman Growth Hormone) had been delivered to Mos’ Ded’s wife, Bos’ Ded, and that she was close to Peyton—very close, we’ve been told—well, when Peyton collapsed and was ultimately released, Mos’ Ded claimed we’d actually sent Methmouth instead, our product that is intended to break down bone and teeth mass in people with enormous heads. And that simply wasn’t true.
“And my father, whatever his enormous faults, is utterly devoted to his customers and would never send them products detrimental to their spiritual health. He’s not so much interested in their bodies, of course. Anyhow, my dad was very angry about that, and he let it be known that it was Bos’ Ded who took the Methwell, giving Peyton the Methmouth she’d ordered to help with her husband’s ‘bone structure problems—his head is simply too big for his body.’ ”
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