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| The above portrait of the late Atlanta GM Tony Soprano, who led the Smack Daddies for nearly a decade, hangs in the lobby of the team's headquarters. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN News
The Atlanta Smack Daddies had just won a record-setting fourth NFFA title. But instead of the exuberant shouts and flowing champagne that characterize the victorious locker rooms of other championship teams, tears flowed among the Daddies.
“After losing [General Manager] Tony [Soprano] and carrying that burden around all season, it was just a big emotional release,” sobbed LB Navorro Bowman, who scored 20.5 points to lead the Smack Daddies to a 181.5-149 win over the Village Green. “Big T was always such a presence in here. Always giving encouragement to us players, whether it was verbal or getting everyone a new, still-in-the-box big-screen TV or lap dances at the Bada-Bing. It feels like he’s still here.”
Players said that the usually reclusive team owner, Lex Dominica, gave an impassioned speech before the title game. “Win one for yourselves,” Dominica said. “Win one for heterosexuals everywhere. Win one for the Bing. But mostly win one for the Big Man, who believed in you enough to put $1 million on you to win the championship at the Club Gitmo Sports Book before he died.”
A spokesperson for the Club Gitmo Sports Book refused to confirm or deny whether Soprano had made a preseason bet on the Smack Daddies.
As a tribute to Soprano — and at Dominica’s insistence — the Smack Daddies’ coaching staff all wore black, crushed velvet warmup suits (with red accents) during the championship game.
“It feels good to be part of an organization that feels like family, or La Famiglia as the case may be,” said Jay Cutler, who quarterbacked the team’s victory after being cast off by the Cambridge Animals for coming out to the rest of his teammates as a “straightie.”
“It felt great,” Cutler added, “to be welcomed home to a ticker-tape parade organized by the Brotherhood of Sanitation Workers and the construction workers union. This is a place where straighties can feel safe and accepted. I know Tony was smiling down on us.”
In spite of claiming the NFFA’s Linardo Trophy for a historic fourth time, team officials did not receive the customary congratulatory phone call from Commissioner Lorena Meemaw Murmann, who is also Dominica’s grandmother. Dominica, who could not be reached for comment, was said to be seething over the apparent snub.
“It hurts, but we’ve come to expect it,” said Daddies’ VP for External Affairs Alge Crumpler. “That old woman has always hated us for some reason.”
“After losing [General Manager] Tony [Soprano] and carrying that burden around all season, it was just a big emotional release,” sobbed LB Navorro Bowman, who scored 20.5 points to lead the Smack Daddies to a 181.5-149 win over the Village Green. “Big T was always such a presence in here. Always giving encouragement to us players, whether it was verbal or getting everyone a new, still-in-the-box big-screen TV or lap dances at the Bada-Bing. It feels like he’s still here.”
Players said that the usually reclusive team owner, Lex Dominica, gave an impassioned speech before the title game. “Win one for yourselves,” Dominica said. “Win one for heterosexuals everywhere. Win one for the Bing. But mostly win one for the Big Man, who believed in you enough to put $1 million on you to win the championship at the Club Gitmo Sports Book before he died.”
A spokesperson for the Club Gitmo Sports Book refused to confirm or deny whether Soprano had made a preseason bet on the Smack Daddies.
As a tribute to Soprano — and at Dominica’s insistence — the Smack Daddies’ coaching staff all wore black, crushed velvet warmup suits (with red accents) during the championship game.
“It feels good to be part of an organization that feels like family, or La Famiglia as the case may be,” said Jay Cutler, who quarterbacked the team’s victory after being cast off by the Cambridge Animals for coming out to the rest of his teammates as a “straightie.”
“It felt great,” Cutler added, “to be welcomed home to a ticker-tape parade organized by the Brotherhood of Sanitation Workers and the construction workers union. This is a place where straighties can feel safe and accepted. I know Tony was smiling down on us.”
In spite of claiming the NFFA’s Linardo Trophy for a historic fourth time, team officials did not receive the customary congratulatory phone call from Commissioner Lorena Meemaw Murmann, who is also Dominica’s grandmother. Dominica, who could not be reached for comment, was said to be seething over the apparent snub.
“It hurts, but we’ve come to expect it,” said Daddies’ VP for External Affairs Alge Crumpler. “That old woman has always hated us for some reason.”
Animals celebrate fulfillment of prophecy
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| The seer: DTA. |
Meanwhile, Cambridge organized a celebration of its own after the red-hot Animals dominated the NFFA “losers’ bracket” to take home a trophy as the league’s fifth-best team.
The Animals had held an earlier celebratory parade in August in honor of a championship team owner/coach Dave the Animal had foreseen for his franchise this season.
An official team spokesperson, who demands anonymity as a condition of being quoted in the media, said that when DTA announced a championship for the Animals in 2013, he neglected to note which bracket of the playoffs they would win. Thus, the spokesperson said, DTA’s prophecy had been fulfilled. “Vision,” the spokesperson added, “is what makes DTA the greatest coach in fantasy football history, and that includes future history, as well as the past.”
Counting their two playoff contests, the Animals won four of their final five games, stumbling only in a narrow loss to the 12th Avenue Bakers. The team’s late resurgence may also have saved the job of Wilder the Animal, the reigning GM of the Year in the NFFA, who had come under harsh criticism from the Boston media this season.
The Animals had held an earlier celebratory parade in August in honor of a championship team owner/coach Dave the Animal had foreseen for his franchise this season.
An official team spokesperson, who demands anonymity as a condition of being quoted in the media, said that when DTA announced a championship for the Animals in 2013, he neglected to note which bracket of the playoffs they would win. Thus, the spokesperson said, DTA’s prophecy had been fulfilled. “Vision,” the spokesperson added, “is what makes DTA the greatest coach in fantasy football history, and that includes future history, as well as the past.”
Counting their two playoff contests, the Animals won four of their final five games, stumbling only in a narrow loss to the 12th Avenue Bakers. The team’s late resurgence may also have saved the job of Wilder the Animal, the reigning GM of the Year in the NFFA, who had come under harsh criticism from the Boston media this season.
Legal action urged against ‘Trojo-D’
Though the Village Green had enjoyed what appeared to be the most feel-good season in the NFFA this year, the team’s bubble burst suddenly in the league championship game against the Atlanta Smack Daddies. Their collapse on the brink of the team’s first NFFA title in turn has prompted several rounds of finger pointing among Green fans and, sources say, even within the organization.
What happened?
What happened?
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| Was Goodrow played by Mojo D? |
According to multiple sources with the team, owner Dave Goodrow Goodridge ordered a change to the game preparation formula that had served the team well up to that point in the season. Instead of relying solely on NFFA Coach of the Year Stuart Smalley to set the Green’s lineup for the championship game, Goodrow accepted an offer for “lineup consultation” from bitter division rival Mojo D, whose team the Green had annihilated the week before in the semifinal game.
According to one source, the lineup recommendations proposed by Mojo D — and that Goodrow accepted — were a “bleeping disaster.”
Said another source: “The changes we made at linebacker alone cost us 20 points. Everybody in this league knows that Mojo D is responsible for the death of one owner [an apparent reference to the Bubbas’ Boyd X. Biggs] and that he attempted to assassinate another [an apparent reference to last summer’s hit-and-run against the Bakers’ QCurl Sharif]. Why Goodrow would accept help from someone who wants to see him fail is beyond me. Apparently Goodrow never read the story of the Trojan Horse. Beware of anyone from Hillsboro-West End bearing gifts. We’ve started referring to him as Trojo-D.”
Other sources in the organization said the Green’s legal staff were recommending that Goodridge file a lawsuit for fraud against Mojo D. While some of the team’s attorneys believed the suit would be dismissed as groundless, since there is no record that Mojo accepted payment for his advice, others suggested that legal action would “be a shot across the bow.” They also said that Mojo-D had demonstrated “malicious intent.”
“I don’t want to fire a shot across Mojo-D’s bow,” said a still fuming member of the coaching staff. “I want to fire multiple shots into his damn house.”
According to one source, the lineup recommendations proposed by Mojo D — and that Goodrow accepted — were a “bleeping disaster.”
Said another source: “The changes we made at linebacker alone cost us 20 points. Everybody in this league knows that Mojo D is responsible for the death of one owner [an apparent reference to the Bubbas’ Boyd X. Biggs] and that he attempted to assassinate another [an apparent reference to last summer’s hit-and-run against the Bakers’ QCurl Sharif]. Why Goodrow would accept help from someone who wants to see him fail is beyond me. Apparently Goodrow never read the story of the Trojan Horse. Beware of anyone from Hillsboro-West End bearing gifts. We’ve started referring to him as Trojo-D.”
Other sources in the organization said the Green’s legal staff were recommending that Goodridge file a lawsuit for fraud against Mojo D. While some of the team’s attorneys believed the suit would be dismissed as groundless, since there is no record that Mojo accepted payment for his advice, others suggested that legal action would “be a shot across the bow.” They also said that Mojo-D had demonstrated “malicious intent.”
“I don’t want to fire a shot across Mojo-D’s bow,” said a still fuming member of the coaching staff. “I want to fire multiple shots into his damn house.”
Goodrow, Smalley and the rest of those nancy-boys need to remember that when you point your finger, 3 fingers are pointing back at you. Did I make friendly recommendations that cost the Green over 30 points? Absolutely. Does a team have to accept your recommendations? No. The Daddies simply beat the shit out of them. Suck it up, buttercup...
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