CORSAIRS LINKED TO MARATHON BOMB FBI probes possible connection with Chechen terrorists

The image above is a screen grab from the UMass Dartmouth Corsairs website.

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya

FSN Sports

FSN has learned the FBI is looking into a possible connection between the NFFA champion Corsairs and the Tsarnaev brothers, who allegedly built and planted the bombs near the finish line of last week’s Boston Marathon.

Justice Department sources confirmed that the FBI began its probe after learning that Tamerlan and Dzokhaer Tsarnaev were members of an athletic team called the Corsairs while students at the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth.

“Maybe it’s just coincidence,” said one FBI agent, who wished to remain unnamed. “But is it just coincidence that one of the Corsairs’ archrivals is right here in Boston? And that a Corsairs fan, back when they were the Midtown Mojo, attempted a suicide bomb attack at the grand opening of Club Gitmo, the headquarters of another league rival? We have to check all possible angles.”

Corsairs owner Mojo D was unavailable for comment. A team spokesperson said D was finalizing arrangements to announce the new name of his team, which is relocating to a new stadium atop Nashville’s sprawling downtown convention center.

Reached at the NFFA Tower, new commissioner Lorena “Meemaw” Murrman said she was shocked by the investigation. “Mojo D is a nice boy, and I think his fans are all nice boys, too,” Murrman said. “I’m sure this is all just a big misunderstanding.”

Corsairs Coach Ray Lewis, who remained at the team offices in spite of a lifetime ban issued last month by former commissioner Bill Money, was even more forthright. “This is all a bunch of bull,” Lewis said. “These guys were Russians, and you know what team is partly owned by the Russians? I’ll paint you a picture by numbers, and the number is 12. And who would like to frame Mojo D for a terrorist attack? As one of our great legislators said, ‘This ain’t rocket surgery.’”

FBI sources said they are not currently looking into any possible links between the terrorist bombers and the 12th Avenue Bakers.

“I know this,” Lewis continued. “God is with us. No man can stop us. Even if that man is named F-B-I.”