NFFA news roundup DOWNTOWN PORNHUSKERS? Possible new name for Corsairs leaked to media

One of the Pornhusker logo designs being considered by the Corsairs.

By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya

FSN Sports

One of the best-kept secrets around the NFFA involves the yet-to-be-unveiled new name for the league-champion Corsairs, who are relocating to a plush new stadium atop the new convention center in downtown Nashville.

But FSN has obtained a tantalizing clue, in the form of logos prepared by a local design firm involving the name “Pornhuskers.” One logo shows a scantily clad cowgirl astride a suggestively peeled ear of corn, while the other shows the team name emblazoned across a silhouetted woman’s bare chest.

Sources requesting anonymity said the name was a nod to downtown Nashville’s freewheeling and bawdy past, when the area was populated with adult cinemas and strip clubs. 

Reached for comment, Corsairs PR intern Sue Nommi would not confirm whether Pornhuskers was one of the names under consideration by the team. “As NFFA champions, we are considering a number of different options at this point,” she said. “Mr. Mojo D, our champion owner, will have the final say, and we hope to have an announcement about the new name of our NFFA-champion team very soon.”

Pussy Riot to perform at Bacchanal X

Amid ongoing rumors that Bacchanalia to the Future X will include Elvis Presley as the headline act, festival organizers have managed to confirm several performers who will be part of the tenth anniversary celebration in November.

Pussy Riot will be released for Bacchanal X.

Most notably, the show will include the Russian all-girl band, Pussy Riot, who will be released from Moscow’s Lubyanka Prison in order to attend the Bacchanal. Organizers were tight-lipped about how they won a promise from the Russian government to let the performers attend. But two sources, speaking anonymously, confirmed that Bakers owner QCurl Sharif had negotiated the band’s release directly with Russian President Vladimir Putin on a recent trip to Moscow.

“Ever since {Russia’s state-owned] GazProm secretly bought an interest in the Bakers,” one of the sources said, “Sharif has been tight with ‘The Vladdie.’ Who knows? He might even show up at the Treehouse one night when Obama is there.”

Meanwhile, Bacchanal organizers have recently received commitments to perform from Lou Reed, Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen, Southern Culture on the Skids, Dr. Krunkenstein, and local rapper and Sharif protégé Robert Cray-Cray. 

Bakers officials in Hohenwald said that a re-reanimated Warren Zevon was doing well and looking forward to the Bacchanal. Zevon was rekilled in last year’s event during an assassination attempt on Sharif.

Club Gitmo Sports Book adds Boston AAU games

WTA shows off his perfect form.

In the wake of an eye-opening, 31-point performance in his AAU season debut by Cambridge general manager Wilder the Animal, the Club Gitmo Sports Book yesterday announced that it would begin accepting wagers on WTA’s future basketball games.

“There’s just an unusual spike in interest,” said Beelzebubbas Media Relations Director Karl Hungus. “We want to be able to meet the demand of our clients.”

Hungus added that Club Gitmo’s presence on Native American land in the “Nations” area of Nashville would exempt the organization from any possible laws against betting on 11-year-olds. In fact, he bridled at the mere suggestion of impropriety. “At Churchill Downs, you can bet on fucking three-year-olds,” Hungus said. “So I’m not hearing any of this shit.”