LINARDO DISASSOCIATES NAME FROM ‘SUBTRACTION DIVISION’
Calls for swift action by commissioner
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports Network
In a startling development early Tuesday, NFFA Founder Jorge Linardo called upon NFFA commissioner William D. Money to rechristen the league’s Linardo division.
The demand, issued in an extremely rare press interview in sub-level 11 at Club Gitmo, stemmed from the division’s poor performance this season, Linardo said. “Even Jim McMahon, who is like an illegitimate son to me, has started calling it ‘the Linardo subtraction,’” said the CEO Emeritus of the West Nashville Beelzebubbas and nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize. “It is simply unbecoming and a personal affront.”
Dr. Linardo acknowledged that one Linardo division team, the Atlanta Smack Daddies, has at least achieved respectability with a 4-4 record. “With all respect to my good friend Tony Soprano, nobody in that division has been a winner this year. I know it’s been difficult for Tony. When everyone else in your division is floundering, it can create a giant sucking vortex that brings you down.”
Linardo said he is fine with leaving the name of the Jorgé division intact. “They’re all winners, and I’m proud of them,” said El Jefé of the Beelzebubbas, Black Dogs, Bakers and Animals. I think Dave [the Animal] would have a winning record, too, but he’s been off doing the Lord’s work.”
Before calling an end to the 10-minute interview, Linardo said he had already placed a call to Commissioner Money requesting that his name be removed from what he called the “weak-sister” division. Had he suggested any alternatives, a visitor wondered.
“How about the L division?” Dr. Linardo said, forming his thumb and index finger into the shape of that letter. Then, characteristically, he leaned his head back and laughed silently.
Update: Two missing sports reporters, who had not been seen since the Beelzebubbas’ media conference last week, were waiting at the south guard tower as this reporter left Club Gitmo early Tuesday. The pair appeared healthy but shaken, said their “quote-unquote disappearance” had “all been a big misunderstanding,” and refused to answer any further questions on the subject.
The demand, issued in an extremely rare press interview in sub-level 11 at Club Gitmo, stemmed from the division’s poor performance this season, Linardo said. “Even Jim McMahon, who is like an illegitimate son to me, has started calling it ‘the Linardo subtraction,’” said the CEO Emeritus of the West Nashville Beelzebubbas and nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize. “It is simply unbecoming and a personal affront.”
Dr. Linardo acknowledged that one Linardo division team, the Atlanta Smack Daddies, has at least achieved respectability with a 4-4 record. “With all respect to my good friend Tony Soprano, nobody in that division has been a winner this year. I know it’s been difficult for Tony. When everyone else in your division is floundering, it can create a giant sucking vortex that brings you down.”
Linardo said he is fine with leaving the name of the Jorgé division intact. “They’re all winners, and I’m proud of them,” said El Jefé of the Beelzebubbas, Black Dogs, Bakers and Animals. I think Dave [the Animal] would have a winning record, too, but he’s been off doing the Lord’s work.”
Before calling an end to the 10-minute interview, Linardo said he had already placed a call to Commissioner Money requesting that his name be removed from what he called the “weak-sister” division. Had he suggested any alternatives, a visitor wondered.
“How about the L division?” Dr. Linardo said, forming his thumb and index finger into the shape of that letter. Then, characteristically, he leaned his head back and laughed silently.
Update: Two missing sports reporters, who had not been seen since the Beelzebubbas’ media conference last week, were waiting at the south guard tower as this reporter left Club Gitmo early Tuesday. The pair appeared healthy but shaken, said their “quote-unquote disappearance” had “all been a big misunderstanding,” and refused to answer any further questions on the subject.
