BREAKING NEWS: MOJO D MISSING ... AGAIN!
Frantic Pompatus of Love calls Commissioner Money
By R. E. Porter, Associated Web Press
Midtown Mojo's Pompatus of Love, Miss Lee-Yhn, placed a frantic call to NFFA commissioner William D. Money late this afternoon, asking for his help in locating a despondent — and possibly suicidal — Mojo D, the AWP has learned.
According to a source within the commissioner's office, Miss Lee-Yhn told Money that Mojo D had left the house around 3 p.m. with a loaded 44 Magnum. She was most disturbed by the fact that he had left his iPhone behind, something he never does. "It was as if he knew he wasn't coming back," she allegedly told the commissioner. According to Nashvegas police officials, a citywide search for Mojo D is underway.
The source, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being fired, said the Mojo's Pompatus of Love told Money that Mojo D was in a nasty mood and had not had any sleep since Saturday night. She said he had been drinking heavily and popping Black Beauties to stay awake. When his team failed to rally against the 12th Avenue Bakers Monday night and fell to 0-2, Mojo D allegedly lost it and began yelling at his computer over and over again, "I cannot believe we just lost to the mother-[expletive] Bakers." This went on for 15 or 20 minutes until he broke down, lay on the floor in the fetal position, and began sobbing loudly, occasionally muttering, "QCurl."
According to a source within the commissioner's office, Miss Lee-Yhn told Money that Mojo D had left the house around 3 p.m. with a loaded 44 Magnum. She was most disturbed by the fact that he had left his iPhone behind, something he never does. "It was as if he knew he wasn't coming back," she allegedly told the commissioner. According to Nashvegas police officials, a citywide search for Mojo D is underway.
The source, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being fired, said the Mojo's Pompatus of Love told Money that Mojo D was in a nasty mood and had not had any sleep since Saturday night. She said he had been drinking heavily and popping Black Beauties to stay awake. When his team failed to rally against the 12th Avenue Bakers Monday night and fell to 0-2, Mojo D allegedly lost it and began yelling at his computer over and over again, "I cannot believe we just lost to the mother-[expletive] Bakers." This went on for 15 or 20 minutes until he broke down, lay on the floor in the fetal position, and began sobbing loudly, occasionally muttering, "QCurl."
