Ballers Churn Roster

Ballers Churn Roster,
Goats Stand Pat

By C.T.E. Furall
Bikini Football League Gazette

In an apparent sign of panic, Mojo D has been churning his roster faster than you can say John Madden is still dead. Reporters have counted at least fifteen add/drops over the last three days. Bronko Nagurski’s Sylvan Goats, in contrast, are standing pat.

“Why bother to shuffle a few players here or there,” said Nagurski at a Wednesday afternoon presser. “Once again, we had the highest score of the week. I think that’s nine out of sixteen times this season.”

Mojo D, speaking remotely from a local area hospital where he is recovering from having stepped on a 2 x 6 Lego brick, “Look, we’ve been the second-highest scoring team all year, largely because I pour over possible lineups during most of my waking hours and some of my sleeping ones. Some of you youngsters out there may not remember a famous advertising slogan from the ‘70s for Avis: ‘We Try Harder, because we are intrinsically inferior,’ or words to that effect.”

“It’s not like I feel we’ve spent most of the season playing the Little Sisters of the Poor,” said Nagurski, “but I think the competition committee may need to look into rejiggering the draft next year.”

Starting Backfield for Little Sisters of the Poor

“Hope springs eternal,” said Mojo D. “I hear Joe Biden is about to reach out to Harry Reid to get Build Back Better passed, and that sounds to me like a sure thing.”

Informed that while Build Back Better had not yet passed, Harry Reid had, Mojo D replied: “Oh well, I think I’ll try swapping out Nick Chubb for LaDainian Thomlinson, or maybe Otis Anderson, Jr. I always admired his dad when he played for the Cardinals.”

This story is developing and will be updated as obituaries are made public.