CORSAIRS CHAMPS!Luck Disappears, Pac-Man MVP

Corsairs GM Mojo D and Coach Ray-Ray Lewis enjoy a laugh at the media reception following the team's championship victory. Lewis tearfully thanked Mojo D and told reporters: "this is a special man - y'all have no idea."

By Soren Bernyn
FSN

Their best player had his worst game, but the Downtown Corsairs prevailed over the West Nashville Beelzebubbas to win the 2014 NFFA Championship game, 161.3 - 116.1. The league's top scorer, QB Andrew Luck, disappeared with a meager 6.9 points before being benched, but the rest of the team stepped up to fill the gap, particularly CB Pac-Man Jones, who was named the game's MVP for his unexpected 23-point outburst.

"Andy Luck got us to the big game, and the rest of this incredible, badass team got us the ring," Corsairs GM Mojo D gushed at a lavish media reception at The Palm on Tuesday. "Every one of these guys answered the bell all year long with everything they have, but Pac-Man Jones had to be the MVP of that game. He embodies the kind of no-holds-barred, thug-life work ethic we've cultivated all year."

A turbulent week preceded the game, but the league's dominant force claimed its ultimate prize: the NFFA Championship. The week included an assassination attempt on the NFFA's storied, spiritual guiding force - and current West Nashville Beelzebubbas adviser - Dr. Jorge Linardo, by a lone gunman; some reports stated it was a Corsairs fan. The latest update from Beelzebubbas is that Dr Linardo is recuperating at a secure location. Before those reports came in, Mojo D poured out a libation of Corsairs small-batch Nashville bourbon, and held a moment of silence for "Dr L - who gave us all a reason to be here."

The Corsairs were heavy favorites going into the game - the team led the league nearly all season in power rank, scoring, and top individual performers (Andrew Luck, Le'Veon Bell and Pac-Man are all #1 at their position), and the team wound up with a spotless 6-0 record against their woeful Linardo division opponents. "The thing we are still most proud of is our 90% efficiency rating," Coach Ray-Ray Lewis said. "It shows we drafted right, picked up free agents right, set the line-ups right - all season long! But you know, the big inspiration for us was little Asher - this game we play is nothing compared to his, and he's thriving, man! How could we do anything less?" *Asher is indeed thriving: over 7 pounds, living with his parents in Chattanooga. Many challenges ahead, but happy and healthy...

This championship is the Corsairs' second in three seasons, and represents Ray-Ray Lewis' second ring - the first came as a Corsairs player in 2012 (he was on IR much of the season, but was the heart and soul of the team), and he earned this one as coach in 2014. "This one is special - these are my damn boys. We built something remarkable here, but the 2015 season starts now. We are loaded with galaxy-class WRs, and we will start shopping them immediately to other NFFA franchises..."

At that point, Mojo D jumped in "...well, maybe not right away, Ray-Ray: let's keep this party going! Kick it, Jack!" At that point, Jack White and the Dead Weather launched into a hyper-decibel version of "Rather Be Lucky (Than Good [Any Day])," the Corsairs' theme song from 2012. The drinks flowed, the high-fives commenced, and another glorious NFFA season melted into a hazy, loud memory of a memory.