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| Bakers owner QCurl Sharif (right) and late coach Rob Bironas (left) in happier times. |
By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press
In a shocking development certain to dampen the sky-high spirits in Bakerville, the AWP has received from a source who wishes to remain anonymous a copy of a chat between Saddam and the ghost of Rob Bironas that took place in Saddam's Chat Room at Club Gitmo last night during Monday Night Football. In the chat transcript, the ghost of Bironas refutes claims made by his former boss, Bakers owner QCurl Sharif, during his recent interview with Playboy. The following is the portion of the chat addressing Sharif's claims.
Saddam: Welcome back to my chatroom, biotches.
Oct 13 2014, 8:23 PM
GhostOfBironas: Whassup, Saddam?
Oct 13 2014, 8:30 PM
GhostOfBironas: I just saw QCurl's interview with Playboy. I think it is important for everyone to note he mentioned Mushroom Mates. In other words, he was tripping when he sold that pile of Bull Pate´ to Playboy.
Oct 13 2014, 8:40 PM
GhostOfBironas: First of all, Faith and I never had a thing. Secondly, J.J. Watt was known as "J.J. Watt, M.D." in the locker room. No, he's not a "Medical Doctor," but he does have a "Mule Dick."
Oct 13 2014, 8:46 PM
GhostOfBironas: And I never signed off on that trade. That trade only looked good to someone on the other side of a crack pipe.
Oct 13 2014, 8:51 PM
GhostOfBironas: The main reason QCurl wanted to get rid of J.J. was he couldn't stand seeing J.J. outscore his offensive players week after week.
Oct 13 2014, 8:51 PM
Saddam: Welcome, Rob. MosDed sez he had talked to you and that you might stop by.
Oct 13 2014, 8:52 PM
GhostOfBironas: That's right, Saddam.
Oct 13 2014, 8:53 PM
Saddam: Do you mean to say that Sharif was less than truthful about Faith? And other things?
Oct 13 2014, 8:53 PM
Saddam: You know, Faith and I really hit it off.
Oct 13 2014, 8:53 PM
GhostOfBironas: Well, the truth is shifting sand in QCurl's world, Saddam.
Oct 13 2014, 8:54 PM
Saddam: I think I saw the guy who killed you
Oct 13 2014, 8:54 PM
GhostOfBironas: Was it Snoop Dogg?
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: I don't know. When you were over here that night putting down a bet, I watched you leave on the security cam
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: There was a white Escalade following you.
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
GhostOfBironas: Ray Ray.
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: I noticed vanity plates on it that said "Ray Ray." Ring a bell?
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: Who's Ray Ray?
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
GhostOfBironas: My former teammate, Ray Lewis.
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
Saddam: You mean the coach of the Coarse Hairs?
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
GhostOfBironas: The one and same.
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
Saddam: Da-amn
Oct 13 2014, 8:57 PM
Saddam : We don't serve that kind of Haterade over here
Oct 13 2014, 8:57 PM
GhostOfBironas: I heard he wanted to come back as coach of the Bakers.
Oct 13 2014, 8:57 PM
GhostOfBironas: So he needed to get me out of the way.
Oct 13 2014, 8:58 PM
GhostOfBironas: I wasn't telling those Belmont students that night I was going to kill them. I was telling them someone was trying to kill me.
Oct 13 2014, 8:58 PM
Saddam: I'm surprised Sharif didn't keep you on. Being dead is not a big obstacle in this league.
Oct 13 2014, 8:58 PM
Saddam: I fear that Sharif is a necrophobe.
Oct 13 2014, 8:59 PM
GhostOfBironas: LOL.
Oct 13 2014, 8:59 PM
Saddam: You might latch on with the Village Green if John Wayne doesn't work out.
Oct 13 2014, 9:00 PM
GhostOfBironas: I'm thinking about taking a job as an analyst.
Oct 13 2014, 9:01 PM
Saddam: You could make a killing off that with the networks' per diem. Since you no longer have to eat, you can pocket an extra $200 a day.
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
GhostOfBironas: I also am considering reaching out to DTA. I figure that would tweak QCurl.
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
GhostOfBironas: I was an Animal for a few weeks. You probably didn't know that.
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
Saddam: You're not gay, are you?
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
GhostOfBironas: No, but I can pass.
Oct 13 2014, 9:04 PM
Saddam: DTA has the most finely tuned Gaydar in the league.
Oct 13 2014, 9:05 PM
GhostOfBironas: It wouldn't matter. He would want to tweak Q.
Oct 13 2014, 9:06 PM
GhostOfBironas: McMahon offered me a spot on his staff if another head coaching job doesn't work out.
Oct 13 2014, 9:11 PM
Saddam: You should ask Playboy for an opportunity to respond
Oct 13 2014, 9:13 PM
GhostOfBironas: I may do that.
Oct 13 2014, 8:23 PM
GhostOfBironas: Whassup, Saddam?
Oct 13 2014, 8:30 PM
GhostOfBironas: I just saw QCurl's interview with Playboy. I think it is important for everyone to note he mentioned Mushroom Mates. In other words, he was tripping when he sold that pile of Bull Pate´ to Playboy.
Oct 13 2014, 8:40 PM
GhostOfBironas: First of all, Faith and I never had a thing. Secondly, J.J. Watt was known as "J.J. Watt, M.D." in the locker room. No, he's not a "Medical Doctor," but he does have a "Mule Dick."
Oct 13 2014, 8:46 PM
GhostOfBironas: And I never signed off on that trade. That trade only looked good to someone on the other side of a crack pipe.
Oct 13 2014, 8:51 PM
GhostOfBironas: The main reason QCurl wanted to get rid of J.J. was he couldn't stand seeing J.J. outscore his offensive players week after week.
Oct 13 2014, 8:51 PM
Saddam: Welcome, Rob. MosDed sez he had talked to you and that you might stop by.
Oct 13 2014, 8:52 PM
GhostOfBironas: That's right, Saddam.
Oct 13 2014, 8:53 PM
Saddam: Do you mean to say that Sharif was less than truthful about Faith? And other things?
Oct 13 2014, 8:53 PM
Saddam: You know, Faith and I really hit it off.
Oct 13 2014, 8:53 PM
GhostOfBironas: Well, the truth is shifting sand in QCurl's world, Saddam.
Oct 13 2014, 8:54 PM
Saddam: I think I saw the guy who killed you
Oct 13 2014, 8:54 PM
GhostOfBironas: Was it Snoop Dogg?
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: I don't know. When you were over here that night putting down a bet, I watched you leave on the security cam
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: There was a white Escalade following you.
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
GhostOfBironas: Ray Ray.
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: I noticed vanity plates on it that said "Ray Ray." Ring a bell?
Oct 13 2014, 8:55 PM
Saddam: Who's Ray Ray?
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
GhostOfBironas: My former teammate, Ray Lewis.
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
Saddam: You mean the coach of the Coarse Hairs?
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
GhostOfBironas: The one and same.
Oct 13 2014, 8:56 PM
Saddam: Da-amn
Oct 13 2014, 8:57 PM
Saddam : We don't serve that kind of Haterade over here
Oct 13 2014, 8:57 PM
GhostOfBironas: I heard he wanted to come back as coach of the Bakers.
Oct 13 2014, 8:57 PM
GhostOfBironas: So he needed to get me out of the way.
Oct 13 2014, 8:58 PM
GhostOfBironas: I wasn't telling those Belmont students that night I was going to kill them. I was telling them someone was trying to kill me.
Oct 13 2014, 8:58 PM
Saddam: I'm surprised Sharif didn't keep you on. Being dead is not a big obstacle in this league.
Oct 13 2014, 8:58 PM
Saddam: I fear that Sharif is a necrophobe.
Oct 13 2014, 8:59 PM
GhostOfBironas: LOL.
Oct 13 2014, 8:59 PM
Saddam: You might latch on with the Village Green if John Wayne doesn't work out.
Oct 13 2014, 9:00 PM
GhostOfBironas: I'm thinking about taking a job as an analyst.
Oct 13 2014, 9:01 PM
Saddam: You could make a killing off that with the networks' per diem. Since you no longer have to eat, you can pocket an extra $200 a day.
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
GhostOfBironas: I also am considering reaching out to DTA. I figure that would tweak QCurl.
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
GhostOfBironas: I was an Animal for a few weeks. You probably didn't know that.
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
Saddam: You're not gay, are you?
Oct 13 2014, 9:03 PM
GhostOfBironas: No, but I can pass.
Oct 13 2014, 9:04 PM
Saddam: DTA has the most finely tuned Gaydar in the league.
Oct 13 2014, 9:05 PM
GhostOfBironas: It wouldn't matter. He would want to tweak Q.
Oct 13 2014, 9:06 PM
GhostOfBironas: McMahon offered me a spot on his staff if another head coaching job doesn't work out.
Oct 13 2014, 9:11 PM
Saddam: You should ask Playboy for an opportunity to respond
Oct 13 2014, 9:13 PM
GhostOfBironas: I may do that.
Neither Sharif, nor the ghost of Bironas was available for comment at publication. When reached at Club Gitmo, Saddam said, "Where did you get the idea Saddam has a chat room?"
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