COACH SMALLEY ALL SMILES FOLLOWING PLAYERS-ONLY MEETING

Tight end Jimmy Graham was ecstatic to be named one of The Green's keepers.

From wire reports

NASHVILLE—Feeling downright positive that he was signed as a franchise player for Coach Stuart Smalley, Village Green tight end Jimmy Graham called a players-only meeting on Friday night at the Village's local watering hole, Goodrow-A-Go-Go.  

Graham told the local media that he feels encouraged by the core around him including quarterback Philip Rivers, a consistent Top 5 quarterback in the league, and defensive stalwarts Justin Tuck and DeAngelo Hall, both of whom excelled in the team's defense.  

Chants of "Everyone's good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like us" were heard from outside the bar as locals came by to witness the impromptu gathering. The Smalley mantra had clearly permeated the locker room of the Green... now being shouted regularly by Graham, the defacto locker room leader based on his clear dominance in the league last year.

Reached for comment at the bar, Marshawn Lynch agreed, saying, "Damn straight we're happy! Can't wait to get my meggings on for this year and run through the league!" The meggings (short for man leggings) were worn in the second half last year and boosted the performance of all the skill players on the Green — they cut down on wind resistance — and brought them to the championship game.

Following the players-only meeting, Coach Smalley showed up at the Goodrow-A-Go-Go with pals Wayne Newton and Brian Boitano, both in town for the ALL-SMILES convention at the Music City Center. "These meggings will bring us the trophy!" exclaimed Smalley as he, Newton and Boitano simultaneously yanked off their tear-away pants to reveal the new lime green meggings for all to admire.

Witnesses say at that point, several of those gathered pointed to the abnormally large bulge seen in the crotch of Boitano. The mostly heterosexual crowd seemed put off until Boitano reached into his lycra, pulled out a Ziploc bag and threw it on the table. "Purple Kush gents … 14 days till the first drug test, have at it," he said.

Also seen at the Goodrow-A-Go-Go Friday evening were several Nashville cast members, led by Mayor Teddy Conrad, who has a very "close" relationship with Smalley. Teddy was unavailable for comment.