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| New Beelzebubbas coach Nicky Satan enjoyed a cold 40-ounce of Colt 45, one of the team's primary sponsors, during his welcoming press conference yesterday. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
In a swift and stunning move on Monday, the West Nashville Beelzebubbas announced the hiring of Nicky Satan to join the staff of new head coach Jerry Glanville.
Satan’s title reveals what league observers believe will be an unprecedented array of responsibilities: Offensive & Defensive Coordinator, Special Teams Coach and Head Coach-in-Waiting.
“We had an opportunity to pull the trigger on this deal and score a coup,” said a beaming Ghost of the Ghost of Boyd X. Biggs, who introduced Satan to the media at a presser in the new Los Altos smoking lounge at Club Gitmo. “As El Jefé says, we like to pull triggers around here.
“We believe we now have the staff we’ve been looking for — the visionary genius of Jerry Glanville and the strategic savvy of Nicky. It’s also good to have a Satan around here again in some place other than our logo.”
Though Biggs, the team’s new general manager, had promised that he “wasn’t done yet” when he hired Glanville, the announcement of Satan still appeared to catch observers by surprise. Many reporters knew there had been earlier talks between Satan and the 12th Avenue Bakers, but new coach’s signed-in-blood contract with the Bubbas was concluded without even the smallest leak to the media.
“I’m tanned, I’m rested, and I’m ready,” said a buoyant Satan when he took the microphone. “The chance to work with an organization like this comes along once in a lifetime. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
Dr. Jorgé Linardo, who made a rare speaking appearance on behalf of his team, recounted an incident from earlier in the morning. “When we took him on a tour, Nicky looked around and asked, ‘Is this heaven?’
“‘No,’ I said, but if you ride the elevator here all the way down, you can get to Hell.” With that, the white-haired league founder tossed back his head and laughed silently.
Satan’s title reveals what league observers believe will be an unprecedented array of responsibilities: Offensive & Defensive Coordinator, Special Teams Coach and Head Coach-in-Waiting.
“We had an opportunity to pull the trigger on this deal and score a coup,” said a beaming Ghost of the Ghost of Boyd X. Biggs, who introduced Satan to the media at a presser in the new Los Altos smoking lounge at Club Gitmo. “As El Jefé says, we like to pull triggers around here.
“We believe we now have the staff we’ve been looking for — the visionary genius of Jerry Glanville and the strategic savvy of Nicky. It’s also good to have a Satan around here again in some place other than our logo.”
Though Biggs, the team’s new general manager, had promised that he “wasn’t done yet” when he hired Glanville, the announcement of Satan still appeared to catch observers by surprise. Many reporters knew there had been earlier talks between Satan and the 12th Avenue Bakers, but new coach’s signed-in-blood contract with the Bubbas was concluded without even the smallest leak to the media.
“I’m tanned, I’m rested, and I’m ready,” said a buoyant Satan when he took the microphone. “The chance to work with an organization like this comes along once in a lifetime. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
Dr. Jorgé Linardo, who made a rare speaking appearance on behalf of his team, recounted an incident from earlier in the morning. “When we took him on a tour, Nicky looked around and asked, ‘Is this heaven?’
“‘No,’ I said, but if you ride the elevator here all the way down, you can get to Hell.” With that, the white-haired league founder tossed back his head and laughed silently.
Dr Linardo's specialty is "offers you can't refuse."
ReplyDeleteSatan is in good company...
- Rosetta Stone, former Midtown Mojo spokesmodel