RG III NOT HUMAN DTA files complaint with league

RG III keeps a publicity photo of Tom Brady in his locker.

By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press

CAMBRIDGE—In a bizarre development that threatens the integrity of the NFFA, Cambridge Animals owner Dave the Animal has filed a formal complaint with the league office accusing the 12th Avenue Bakers of using "an unauthorized QBbot," the AWP has learned.

"RG III has a huge man crush on Tom Brady and keeps a photo of him in his locker at RFK Stadium," DTA said via cell phone Friday evening. "This raises suspicion because the RG3 models are well-known to be completely emotionless."

DTA went on to explain that Robert Griffin III is actually an RG3 model quarterbackbot. He further claimed to have photographic evidence which actually identifies RG III as an unauthorized RG4 model QBbot with "Made in Howenwald" tattooed on the back of his neck.

"Unlike RG3 models which come from Methlon's Smyrna Robotics Plant and are approved for play by the NFL, the RG4 models, while impressively emotional, have not been approved for league play. So far, only the AMA and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science have approved the RG4 for 'sex, lurking on streetcorners, occasional home invasions and small roles as the wiseass, crackhead zombies in movies starring Judd Nelson or equivalent.'     

"Therefore, the Bakers may have to forfeit this week's game and doubt has been cast on their entire illustrious season," the Cambridge owner concluded.

NFFA Deputy Commissioner Meemaw Murrman confirmed the league had received the written complaint from the Animals front office and said the complaint was "under review."

More on this breaking story as it develops.