by Soren Bernyn, FSN
After another winless start, the Midtown Mojo are looking for any help they can get. Coach Mojo D was spotted earlier this week outside Midtown, meeting with a voudon (voodoo priestess) to find a supernatural edge against the Bakers in their Week 4 tilt. "Clearly, the Mojo have lost their Mojo. The front-office is looking good with free agent pick-ups like Mike Vick and Dustin Keller, but it ain't happening on the field, and that's all about luck -- so we've got to change our luck. The best way I know how to do that is hire a conjurer."
Accompanying Mojo D was the team's mascot and GM, Mojo Jojo. "Jojo is coming along to renew his commitment to the team by sacrificing the powerful talisman of the monkey-paw. Shula tells me this is how she helped the 1972 Dolphins and 2009 Saints in their historic victories." Indeed, after the encounter, Jojo was sporting a metallic, bionic hand, but had nothing to say to the media. He did, however, use the new hand to fling poo at reporters on the scene, laughing maniacally (see photo, right above).
The Mojo-Bakers rivalry has usually been a tepid affair, but Mojo D turned up the heat with the opening of the Mojodome, which is located on the grounds of the Tennessee Governor's Mansion. It is the first geothermal-powered, fully underground stadium in the world -- its retractable roof is the front lawn of the mansion. But it also is outside the generally accepted (but disputed) boundaries of Midtown, and close to South Nashville turf claimed by the Bakers. "We've worked it out as far south as Woodmont Blvd., then it's no-man's land. Or rather, it WAS no-man's land."
Mojo D's shell company, Midtown Merch, has also purchased 10,000 "Homer" masks to mock the Baker's owner, whose affinity for Tennessee Titans players has been a source of hilarity for other teams in the NFFA. During "Homer Sharif Day," the Mojo will distribute the masks for fans to wear on their march to the Bakers' field. (Illustration below provided by Mojo PR Diva, Rosetta Stone)
