Mojo coach Charles Barkley sounds off about the Sea HogsMIDTOWN MOJO INTRODUCE
BARKLEY AS NEW COACH
by Soren Bernyn, Fantasy Sports Network
In what would appear to be a meaningless game to the rest of the world, the Midtown Mojo introduced NBA All-Star Charles Barkley as the team's coach for the final game of the season. At the happy hour/media opportunity staged at Cabana in Hillsboro Village, Owner Mojo D said "this game has gone from a race to to the bottom to a chance at redemption — a chance to crush and humiliate Triki Bobber, whom I shall henceforth refer to only as 'Bob Hitler.'
"To make that happen, I have enlisted the service of the Round Mound of Rebound — Sir Charles Barkley, his badass [expletive]ing self!" Amid strobe lights and fog, Barkley stood up, pointed into the cameras and stated emphatically: "It is my mission to stamp out all racism in sports; they dissed me at Auburn, so when Mojo D called to say he needed a way to crush Hitler, I said 'Hell, yeah — I'm in!' I have one plan — to whip my niggas into a frenzy so that they will stop at nothing short of the complete devastation of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs."
The Sea Hogs are especially hated in Midtown because they — in the words of one Mojo supporter — "are just not from around here." And Midtown loves any excuse to take to the streets, so there is a lot of interest in the game. The local Mediterannean restaurants have even collaborated on a dish that is all the rage this week: Bobber Ghanoush, which is smoked eggplant with crushed lamb testicles.
Questioned about the dish, Mojo D said, "It's delicious — we've had it on the training table all week. Part of what makes it so good is that it's prepared with help from other teams in the league — the testicles are courtesy of [Beelzebubbas' Owner/GM Boyd X.] Biggs, and Meemaw Murrman provided all the restaurants with her souvenir skillets. QCurl even sent over some 55-gallon drums of Touchdown Tasers, and the Animal is providing crystal 'dessert' via the local Cranker Barrel. It's very touching to see these guys who are competitors all season long come together around their shared distaste for the Sea Hogs and their criminally insane owner, Bob Hitler."
In the custom of his mentor Jorge Linardo, Mojo D threw back his head and laughed silently, put his arm around Barkley and headed to the bar.
"To make that happen, I have enlisted the service of the Round Mound of Rebound — Sir Charles Barkley, his badass [expletive]ing self!" Amid strobe lights and fog, Barkley stood up, pointed into the cameras and stated emphatically: "It is my mission to stamp out all racism in sports; they dissed me at Auburn, so when Mojo D called to say he needed a way to crush Hitler, I said 'Hell, yeah — I'm in!' I have one plan — to whip my niggas into a frenzy so that they will stop at nothing short of the complete devastation of the Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs."
The Sea Hogs are especially hated in Midtown because they — in the words of one Mojo supporter — "are just not from around here." And Midtown loves any excuse to take to the streets, so there is a lot of interest in the game. The local Mediterannean restaurants have even collaborated on a dish that is all the rage this week: Bobber Ghanoush, which is smoked eggplant with crushed lamb testicles.
Questioned about the dish, Mojo D said, "It's delicious — we've had it on the training table all week. Part of what makes it so good is that it's prepared with help from other teams in the league — the testicles are courtesy of [Beelzebubbas' Owner/GM Boyd X.] Biggs, and Meemaw Murrman provided all the restaurants with her souvenir skillets. QCurl even sent over some 55-gallon drums of Touchdown Tasers, and the Animal is providing crystal 'dessert' via the local Cranker Barrel. It's very touching to see these guys who are competitors all season long come together around their shared distaste for the Sea Hogs and their criminally insane owner, Bob Hitler."
In the custom of his mentor Jorge Linardo, Mojo D threw back his head and laughed silently, put his arm around Barkley and headed to the bar.
