teams coach for Cambridge, was given the boot yesterday.
ANIMALS FIRE BROWNIE
Special teams coach blamed for ‘crackhead’ mistakes
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
The Cambridge Animals today terminated — “with extreme prejudice,” said owner Dave the Animal — special teams coach Mike “Brownie” Brown in a move seen as part of an effort to bolster the team’s chances of winning fifth place in the NFFA.
Brown was hired by the Animals last June. In late October, based on what Dave the Animal described as “a heckuva job” (particularly for the acquisition of wide receiver Josh Cribbs), Brown was entrusted with the added task of developing the team’s secret plan to overtake the surprising 12th Avenue Bakers and earn a spot in the top playoff bracket.
“His resumé said he had a lot of experience with the Animals,” said a team official who requested anonymity out of concern for his personal safety. “Dave, who was distracted by Breaking Bad, thought this meant Brownie knew our organization. He didn’t realize Brownie was talking about his background with horse shows. And maybe Brownie misled us a little bit, too.”
The special teams performed well until November, when disastrous lineup errors involving placekickers caused the Animals to lose consecutive games to the Alamo Scouts and West Nashville Beelzebubbas. On Wednesday, Dave the Animal learned of what he described as “crackhead mistakes” and fired Brown immediately.
On his way out of the Animals’ office complex — known to locals as the Cambridge Zoo — Brownie refused to speak to reporters, except to say that Dave the Animal had approved the secret plan and that it had been followed to the letter.
The team official who spoke without attribution said suspicions had arisen that Black Dogs Coach Jim McMahon had authored key details of the secret plan and given them to Brown. The official refused to elaborate on the reasons behind these suspicions.
“I could just spit,” said Dave the Animal, who is said to be channeling his anger into a poem entitled “Paradise Kicked” about the incident. “When Brownie asked about his severance package, I told him, ‘I’ll refrain from severing your damn head. How about that?’”
Brown was hired by the Animals last June. In late October, based on what Dave the Animal described as “a heckuva job” (particularly for the acquisition of wide receiver Josh Cribbs), Brown was entrusted with the added task of developing the team’s secret plan to overtake the surprising 12th Avenue Bakers and earn a spot in the top playoff bracket.
“His resumé said he had a lot of experience with the Animals,” said a team official who requested anonymity out of concern for his personal safety. “Dave, who was distracted by Breaking Bad, thought this meant Brownie knew our organization. He didn’t realize Brownie was talking about his background with horse shows. And maybe Brownie misled us a little bit, too.”
The special teams performed well until November, when disastrous lineup errors involving placekickers caused the Animals to lose consecutive games to the Alamo Scouts and West Nashville Beelzebubbas. On Wednesday, Dave the Animal learned of what he described as “crackhead mistakes” and fired Brown immediately.
On his way out of the Animals’ office complex — known to locals as the Cambridge Zoo — Brownie refused to speak to reporters, except to say that Dave the Animal had approved the secret plan and that it had been followed to the letter.
The team official who spoke without attribution said suspicions had arisen that Black Dogs Coach Jim McMahon had authored key details of the secret plan and given them to Brown. The official refused to elaborate on the reasons behind these suspicions.
“I could just spit,” said Dave the Animal, who is said to be channeling his anger into a poem entitled “Paradise Kicked” about the incident. “When Brownie asked about his severance package, I told him, ‘I’ll refrain from severing your damn head. How about that?’”
