AMID SNIPER FIRE, WOODY MAINTAINS LONELY VIGIL
‘Wait till next year,’ says disheartened sportswriter
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
It looked like Larry Woody might have to spend the next 12 months atop a 12 South billboard, waiting for the Bakers to record a losing season. Now, says the embattled journalist, he will settle for a tie. If the Bakers lose their next four games to finish at 7-7, Woody will declare that a “non-winning” season is enough to bring him down from his lonely perch.
That’s assuming he can get down unscathed. Ever since he took his position three weeks ago, Woody has been the target of occasional sniper fire from the 12 South neighborhood — as holes in the billboard made by high-caliber rounds would seem to attest. “It’s like the Mekong Delta all over again, and I’m on point,” Woody said by cellphone late Monday. “It gets especially bad at night.”
Metro Councilwoman Roz Tefarian poo-poohed Woody’s claims. “Gunfire is pretty common in this neighborhood,” she said. “I don’t see how Woody thinks it’s directed at him. Maybe some stray rounds hit his billboard, but he needs to realize that people fire their guns in the air when they’re happy around here. We call it ‘fun-fire.’ And the Bakers have given everyone reason to be happy this season.”
But Bakers’ super fan Bill Cheatham said that he had been explicitly targeting Woody’s billboard with an elephant gun he owns. “He wanted Nam, so we’re giving him Nam,” said Cheatham, who also admitted to firing an occasional flare above Woody’s billboard, “just to let him know we’re here.”
Woody and Cheatham had a brief rapprochement last week, after Bakers’ owner Q-Curl Sharif inadvertently offended some Baker boosters by referring to them as “common” during an Obama victory party at his toney West End mansion. In protest, Cheatham said he climbed up to Woody’s perch, carrying a case of Grey Goose in one hand as a peace offering. But after each had downed one bottle, along with deviled ham from the 12 South chapter of Friends of Satan, Cheatham came back down and took up his rifle again. “I guess I just needed a reminder of what assholes these media types are,” he said.
That’s assuming he can get down unscathed. Ever since he took his position three weeks ago, Woody has been the target of occasional sniper fire from the 12 South neighborhood — as holes in the billboard made by high-caliber rounds would seem to attest. “It’s like the Mekong Delta all over again, and I’m on point,” Woody said by cellphone late Monday. “It gets especially bad at night.”
Metro Councilwoman Roz Tefarian poo-poohed Woody’s claims. “Gunfire is pretty common in this neighborhood,” she said. “I don’t see how Woody thinks it’s directed at him. Maybe some stray rounds hit his billboard, but he needs to realize that people fire their guns in the air when they’re happy around here. We call it ‘fun-fire.’ And the Bakers have given everyone reason to be happy this season.”
But Bakers’ super fan Bill Cheatham said that he had been explicitly targeting Woody’s billboard with an elephant gun he owns. “He wanted Nam, so we’re giving him Nam,” said Cheatham, who also admitted to firing an occasional flare above Woody’s billboard, “just to let him know we’re here.”
Woody and Cheatham had a brief rapprochement last week, after Bakers’ owner Q-Curl Sharif inadvertently offended some Baker boosters by referring to them as “common” during an Obama victory party at his toney West End mansion. In protest, Cheatham said he climbed up to Woody’s perch, carrying a case of Grey Goose in one hand as a peace offering. But after each had downed one bottle, along with deviled ham from the 12 South chapter of Friends of Satan, Cheatham came back down and took up his rifle again. “I guess I just needed a reminder of what assholes these media types are,” he said.
