MCMAHON: 'END TYRANNY OF DUMB COACHING, OWNERSHIP'
By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press
At his weekly press conference yesterday, East Nashville coach Jim McMahon took aim at a the L division on various fronts.
Regarding Midtown owner-coach Mojo D's proposal to change the "Krankenstein" rule, McMahon said: "Mojo Dodo said he wanted to end the tyranny of kick returners, but kick returners are not his problem. He needs to worry about ending the tyranny of dumb coaching and ownership. Have you checked his coaching rating? What was really funny was the players he named aren't just kick returners. Josh Wilson is a starting cornerback and Johnnie Lee Higgins is a starting wide receiver. Mojo D-Minus is desperate. Next he'll want the government to bail out his season."
On Fidalgo Island owner Tirik Obobber's proposal to change quarterback scoring: "It's funny that Osobber never had [expletive] to say about 'elite quarterbacks' when he had one. And I'm sure you noticed that he defended his precious Krankenstein rule? As with Mojo Loco, to understand the Sea Hogs' problems, check Oslobber's coaching rating."
When it was pointed out that West Nashville owner-coach Boyd X. Biggs had the worst coaching rating, McMahon said, "Yeah, and his team is 7-3. The Beelzebubbas win in spite of Biggs. My greatest fear down the home stretch is that Biggs will leave the country again. If you'll recall, when he went to Waziristan last year, his team went on a winning streak that took them past the Black Dogs in the playoffs and all the way to the title game."
On a suggestion QCurl Sharif allegedly made to Commissioner William D. Money that there be no automatic playoff berth for the winner of the L division: "I liked that idea when QCurl first mentioned it to Biggs and me a few weeks ago. The lowest-ranked team in our [Jorge] division has the same record and more points than the teams at the top of the L. Hell, Biggs wanted to take it even further and rule that the championship playoff bracket would be a Jorge divisional tournament from this point forward."
Asked if there was truth to the rumor he had pulled the Black Dogs at halftime of last weekend's game against the Alamo Scouts, McMahon said it was true. "I just didn't have the heart to keep beating up on ThurMurr [Scouts owner Thurman Murrman], so I sent a bunch of black labradoodles out for the second half. Meemaw [Murrman] adopted one and named it Lex."
The coach also was asked about another rumor circulating that Money had arranged for Dave the Animal's guest starring appearance on Breaking Bad as a way to distract him from his team because the commissioner feared the Cambridge Animals roster. "I don't know anything about all that, but I did hear they are going to have to do some reshooting during the last three weeks of the season," he said with a big grin.
The coach of the undefeated Dogs was asked about Mojo D's desire to get into Money's head. "All that [expletive] about getting in Money's head was fairly strange, since even if he did get in Bill's head, Bill has nothing to do with running the Black Dogs. Clearly, Mojo is a disturbed individual and should return asap to his Kelvinator. The Mojo played much harder for the Pompatus [of Love]. And frankly, I'm worried for her safety. I heard she hasn't been seen since QCurl's Obama victory bash. I pray she is okay. She is a league treasure." Clearly upset, McMahon abruptly called an end to the press conference on that somber note, even waving away the Morning Glory margarita™ he was offered.
Regarding Midtown owner-coach Mojo D's proposal to change the "Krankenstein" rule, McMahon said: "Mojo Dodo said he wanted to end the tyranny of kick returners, but kick returners are not his problem. He needs to worry about ending the tyranny of dumb coaching and ownership. Have you checked his coaching rating? What was really funny was the players he named aren't just kick returners. Josh Wilson is a starting cornerback and Johnnie Lee Higgins is a starting wide receiver. Mojo D-Minus is desperate. Next he'll want the government to bail out his season."
On Fidalgo Island owner Tirik Obobber's proposal to change quarterback scoring: "It's funny that Osobber never had [expletive] to say about 'elite quarterbacks' when he had one. And I'm sure you noticed that he defended his precious Krankenstein rule? As with Mojo Loco, to understand the Sea Hogs' problems, check Oslobber's coaching rating."
When it was pointed out that West Nashville owner-coach Boyd X. Biggs had the worst coaching rating, McMahon said, "Yeah, and his team is 7-3. The Beelzebubbas win in spite of Biggs. My greatest fear down the home stretch is that Biggs will leave the country again. If you'll recall, when he went to Waziristan last year, his team went on a winning streak that took them past the Black Dogs in the playoffs and all the way to the title game."
On a suggestion QCurl Sharif allegedly made to Commissioner William D. Money that there be no automatic playoff berth for the winner of the L division: "I liked that idea when QCurl first mentioned it to Biggs and me a few weeks ago. The lowest-ranked team in our [Jorge] division has the same record and more points than the teams at the top of the L. Hell, Biggs wanted to take it even further and rule that the championship playoff bracket would be a Jorge divisional tournament from this point forward."
Asked if there was truth to the rumor he had pulled the Black Dogs at halftime of last weekend's game against the Alamo Scouts, McMahon said it was true. "I just didn't have the heart to keep beating up on ThurMurr [Scouts owner Thurman Murrman], so I sent a bunch of black labradoodles out for the second half. Meemaw [Murrman] adopted one and named it Lex."
The coach also was asked about another rumor circulating that Money had arranged for Dave the Animal's guest starring appearance on Breaking Bad as a way to distract him from his team because the commissioner feared the Cambridge Animals roster. "I don't know anything about all that, but I did hear they are going to have to do some reshooting during the last three weeks of the season," he said with a big grin.
The coach of the undefeated Dogs was asked about Mojo D's desire to get into Money's head. "All that [expletive] about getting in Money's head was fairly strange, since even if he did get in Bill's head, Bill has nothing to do with running the Black Dogs. Clearly, Mojo is a disturbed individual and should return asap to his Kelvinator. The Mojo played much harder for the Pompatus [of Love]. And frankly, I'm worried for her safety. I heard she hasn't been seen since QCurl's Obama victory bash. I pray she is okay. She is a league treasure." Clearly upset, McMahon abruptly called an end to the press conference on that somber note, even waving away the Morning Glory margarita™ he was offered.
