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| Attorney Alberto Gonzalez, shown above speaking at last night's owner's meeting, intends to take further legal action on behalf of his client Bill Cheatham. |
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
FSN Sports
In an emergency session last night at the league offices in downtown Nashville, NFFA owners voted to void the sale of the 12th Avenue Bakers and return the team to its original owner, QCurlSharif.
The meeting had been called by league founder Dr. Jorgé Linardo after two shocking weekend developments: the return of Sharif, who had been declared legally dead; and the revelation that league commissioner Lorena "MeeMaw" Murrman was actually a transgendered former team owner impersonating his grandmother.
Just 48 hours before the annual player draft, the league found itself dealing with the awkward challenge of potentially undoing the sale of the Bakers to a group led by superfan Bill Cheatham, while Cheatham was present as the team’s legally recognized owner.
While the owners meeting took place behind closed doors, a few details began to emerge late Tuesday. Sources requesting anonymity said that only six of the eight owners were present (one of them joining by conference call). Sharif and Kirby were allowed to present their arguments but left immediately afterward and were not present for the owners’ vote by secret ballot.
The sources also said that the vote to restore Sharif’s ownership was 4-2. One of the “no” votes presumably was cast by Cheatham.
Afterward, Cheatham vowed to fight the decision “through the legal system and if necessary through illegal systems.” At that point, Cheatham’s attorney, Belmont School of Law dean and former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez stepped to the microphone and told reporters, “What Mr. Cheatham means is that the sale of the Bakers was perfectly legal and correct.
“The fact that the NFFA’s commissioner was not the person the league owners thought she was is beside the point. The owners chose this person as their commissioner, so she was acting in a perfectly legal capacity, as we believe the courts will recognize. At the end of the day, Mr. Cheatham fully expects to be sitting in the owner’s box at Haterade Coliseum when the season begins in September.”
Gonzalez indicated that he will seek an injunction barring the transfer of the Bakers to Sharif.
Bakers’ attorney Mandrake Kirby told reporters that “the owners undid a great wrong tonight by recognizing that Bill Cheatham colluded to have Mr. Sharif declared prematurely dead and that their transgender apostate commissioner sold the Bakers without an owners’ vote. This whole scheme was a fraud perpetrated on the NFFA and Mr. Sharif, who are both victims here.”
The owners agreed to return to Cheatham’s group the $1.6 billion they had paid for the Bakers, plus another $100 million to compensate the group for what it claimed were out-of-pocket expenses for marketing and operational costs and renovations to the owners’ suite and Sharif’s bunker complex at Grey Goose Stadium.
The compensation, however, was unlikely to mollify Cheatham and his supporters. “It’s all going to be black robes and lawyers and suitcases full of cash from here,” Cheatham said.
Left unresolved after the owners’ meeting was the question of who would be the next NFFA commissioner. Black Dogs owner and former commissioner Bill Money agreed to serve in an interim capacity until a successor to Murrman is named. One source said the league may offer the post to former Bakers coach Snoop Lion, but a rumor also surfaced that the league might move to reanimate former NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle and give him the job.
As news spread about the owners’ vote late last night, the reaction in Bakerville was mixed. Around 11 p.m. bells began ringing from the Islamic Center on 12th Avenue, just blocks from the Cherry Bomb Café. Early this morning, the fabled Satan Tree in Sevier Park was covered with yellow ribbons that had been placed there to celebrate Sharif’s return from Ukraine.
Meanwhile, members of the BakerBackers fan group, that had raised $1.6 billion in a Kickstarter campaign to buy the team, carried protest signs outside Grey Goose Stadium. One read: “Owners, don’t vote against our future,” while another simply said: “Just say no to Sharif.”
The mood at Sharif’s West End Treehouse, which had been dark for months, was purely celebratory. Sharif and his new business partner, Ukrainian president Petro “Chocolate King” Pereschenko, entertained a galaxy of guests that included Vice President Joe Biden, Fox News broadcaster Megyn Kelly, Dr. Linardo, Saddam Hussein, Snoop Lion, actor Rob Lowe, Nashville mayoral candidate Megan Barry, Warren Zevon, Baker fan Powers Boothe, Little Jimmy Dickens, Danny Glover and Bubbas broadcaster Art Bell, who was the first to claim the commissioner was actually a transgendered Thurman Murrman.
“Art brought a trunk full of Truth to this league,” Snoop said afterward. “We rolled out some of it at the Treehouse, and the Truth prevailed all night long.”
Throughout the neighborhood, residents could hear the music of Lewis Had the Weed, the former house band at the Cherry Bomb that had relocated to the Goodrow-A-Go-Go during Sharif’s absence but was on hand for his Treehouse return.
As he was escorted by Secret Service agents to a waiting limousine, around 4 a.m. Wednesday, a beaming Biden stopped to tell reporters, “It feels like balance has been restored to the Force. One love, y’all.”
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