implicated in past crimes by former teammate Mercury Morris.
COACH OF THE YEAR ABSENT IN APPARENT WIN
Dogg, Winehouse Witness to Perfection
By John Juan, Shiva-Reuters News Service
NASHVILLE – As the NFFA title game between East Nashville and West Nashville rages, and the 12th Avenue Bakers battle the Atlanta Smack Daddies for third place, Bakers head coach Snoop Dogg has been conspicuously absent.
It has been learned that Dogg, after a long weekend in Miami, arrived back in Music City only yesterday morning, after spending time on a houseboat with members from the 1972 Dolphins team — a team that remains the only one in history to have achieved a perfect season. Of course, the East Nashville Black Dogs appear to be on the threshold of altering that history tonight.
Dogg was reportedly the guest of the Dolphins’ players as a stand-in for West Nashville’s Boyd X. Biggs, whose Beelzebubbas represent the last roadblock in the way of the Black Dogs own perfect season. Dogg felt his assistants could handle the clash with the Daddies, but was quick to point out to reporters in the Nashville airport that he would get credit for the impending Bakers win.
“Last time I heard the head coach gets the W,” Dogg said. “And I damn sure want ‘em. I did feel like it was important for the league to have a representative at the Dolphins’ party. So I took it upon myself to go — actually Amy [Winehouse] came along too. Of course, she’s still down there.”
Dogg, recently named NFFA Coach of the Year, also responded to critics who disagreed with that selection and, specifically, to some sharp criticism leveled at him by East Nashville Black Dogs GM Buddy Ryan.
Dogg was in Miami when he received the news of the prestigious award.
“I’m happy for Buddy and Jim, and the entire Black Dogs team,” Dogg said. “They rolled through the season like a gangsta rolling through a kindergarten. Dat shit is settled on the field. But if Buddy can’t see past his own personal pride in the Dogs and respect how the rest of the league votes on an award like this, then I’d say he’s got his head in the sand … or somewhere it ain’t supposed to be … boom-sizzle!”
“Yeah…these cats [the Dolphins] are out there yo,” Dogg said, continuing. “They might act cool about this perfect season shit on camera, but they got some haters on that boat. Mercury Morris and Mike Kolen and Jake Scott were like eating this black dog man … I mean it was made out of marzipan or some shit but it looked so real.
“Then we all got kinda high on some cognac space brownies and painted each other like that …what’s that crazy story … like Lord of the Flies man and they painted a blow-up doll like Buddy Ryan and put a lot of lipstick on him and then floated him out on a rope behind the boat and — POW! — like a damn great white hit him or some shizzle. Amy and I thought it was a damn gat man ..I didn’t know for shizzle cause we were down below with the Merc Man and one of the Dolphins cheerleaders from ’72 and shit we all hit the floor you know. Mercury started crying and saying crazy things about Csonka and Kiick and how he’d seen ’em kill somebody at a party once.
“And that cheerleader like ran with no place to go down there and hit her head like hard man and fell back on Merc and he tried to keep her quiet and just kept squeezin’ her head in this arm lock — like the dude’s still got some guns on him .. So then she got too quiet and Merc freaked and stuffed her out some little window and we heard her splash but I was too shizzled to call out and Amy wouldn’t stop laughing and then Manny Fernandez stuck that big old head down in the hole and said it was just the damn doll … I mean goddamn!”
Dogg then indicated that he felt like he wanted to be with the team when the final gun in Nashville sounded tonight, so he was airlifted — courtesy of President Bush — from the Dolphins party boat by a Coast Guard helicopter and brought back to the mainland, where he later caught a flight back to Nashville. He said Winehouse stayed behind to help get Merc “down off the dragon.”
It has been learned that Dogg, after a long weekend in Miami, arrived back in Music City only yesterday morning, after spending time on a houseboat with members from the 1972 Dolphins team — a team that remains the only one in history to have achieved a perfect season. Of course, the East Nashville Black Dogs appear to be on the threshold of altering that history tonight.
Dogg was reportedly the guest of the Dolphins’ players as a stand-in for West Nashville’s Boyd X. Biggs, whose Beelzebubbas represent the last roadblock in the way of the Black Dogs own perfect season. Dogg felt his assistants could handle the clash with the Daddies, but was quick to point out to reporters in the Nashville airport that he would get credit for the impending Bakers win.
“Last time I heard the head coach gets the W,” Dogg said. “And I damn sure want ‘em. I did feel like it was important for the league to have a representative at the Dolphins’ party. So I took it upon myself to go — actually Amy [Winehouse] came along too. Of course, she’s still down there.”
Dogg, recently named NFFA Coach of the Year, also responded to critics who disagreed with that selection and, specifically, to some sharp criticism leveled at him by East Nashville Black Dogs GM Buddy Ryan.
Dogg was in Miami when he received the news of the prestigious award.
“I’m happy for Buddy and Jim, and the entire Black Dogs team,” Dogg said. “They rolled through the season like a gangsta rolling through a kindergarten. Dat shit is settled on the field. But if Buddy can’t see past his own personal pride in the Dogs and respect how the rest of the league votes on an award like this, then I’d say he’s got his head in the sand … or somewhere it ain’t supposed to be … boom-sizzle!”
“Yeah…these cats [the Dolphins] are out there yo,” Dogg said, continuing. “They might act cool about this perfect season shit on camera, but they got some haters on that boat. Mercury Morris and Mike Kolen and Jake Scott were like eating this black dog man … I mean it was made out of marzipan or some shit but it looked so real.
“Then we all got kinda high on some cognac space brownies and painted each other like that …what’s that crazy story … like Lord of the Flies man and they painted a blow-up doll like Buddy Ryan and put a lot of lipstick on him and then floated him out on a rope behind the boat and — POW! — like a damn great white hit him or some shizzle. Amy and I thought it was a damn gat man ..I didn’t know for shizzle cause we were down below with the Merc Man and one of the Dolphins cheerleaders from ’72 and shit we all hit the floor you know. Mercury started crying and saying crazy things about Csonka and Kiick and how he’d seen ’em kill somebody at a party once.
“And that cheerleader like ran with no place to go down there and hit her head like hard man and fell back on Merc and he tried to keep her quiet and just kept squeezin’ her head in this arm lock — like the dude’s still got some guns on him .. So then she got too quiet and Merc freaked and stuffed her out some little window and we heard her splash but I was too shizzled to call out and Amy wouldn’t stop laughing and then Manny Fernandez stuck that big old head down in the hole and said it was just the damn doll … I mean goddamn!”
Dogg then indicated that he felt like he wanted to be with the team when the final gun in Nashville sounded tonight, so he was airlifted — courtesy of President Bush — from the Dolphins party boat by a Coast Guard helicopter and brought back to the mainland, where he later caught a flight back to Nashville. He said Winehouse stayed behind to help get Merc “down off the dragon.”
