BAKER ACOLYTE SUSPECT IN PILOT KILLING
Winehouse held in golf course slaying
By Faith Popcorn, Bakers PR Director
NASHVILLE—In a shocking overnight development, QCurl Sharif confidant Amy Winehouse was booked by police on suspicion of killing new Midtown Mojo head coach Otto Pilot in what is being described as the result of a bizarre love triangle gone bad.
Pilot’s deflated body was discovered wadded up and thrown into heavy brush aside the fairway of the 13th hole on McCabe Golf Course, located near the team’s headquarters. The body appeared to have been there several hours and was covered with what appeared to be critter excrement. The body is now awaiting autopsy.
In an all-too-familiar situation, 12th Ave. Bakers owner Sharif met with reporters on the steps outside the local precinct. There, Sharif expressed bewilderment at the death and Winehouse’s arrest, but seemed more concerned by the poor play of the Bakers against the record-setting East Nashville Black Dogs. The disheveled Sharif readily admitted to police and reporters that he was aware of a “thing” going on between Winehouse, Pilot and local right-wing talk radio host Phil Valentine. He voiced his support of Winehouse, saying that she was “in the studio with Snoop all night last night,” and had been in no condition to leave, much less commit murder.
It was at this private studio owned by Bakers head coach, Snoop Dogg, in which Winehouse was arrested. As she was loaded into the back of a cruiser in the early morning hours, witnesses saw Snoop Dogg emerge from his working residence clad in a bathrobe and waving what appeared to be a Bakers throwback jersey to give to Winehouse for warmth. He was subdued by officers at the scene and the jersey was placed into a jumbo baggie and taken.
Sharif told reporters that he had been home spending a quiet night of mourning his team’s rout at the hands of the Black Dogs when first notified.
“My housekeeper, Ms. Cherry Parade, is the one who alerted me,” Sharif said. “I had dozed off in my trophy room — the room where I feel closest to Furious George, and the room where I go to find solace. It had offered me but hard purchase this night and after a laudanum and brandy I drifted. Imagine my surprise when Ms. Parade woke me with the news … I had always thought Snoop took these losses as hard as I do, but apparently I am wrong.”
Incidentally, Ms. Parade is carrying the love child of the deceased George, a former Sharif insider and cousin to legendary Baker mascot Mr. TD. Parade also lives at Sharif’s sprawling bungalow retreat in the West End area.
Sharif also told reporters that he had spoken with Winehouse briefly as she awaited interrogation and that she had angrily denied the charge, though she was happy Pilot was now dead.
“Amy shared with me how she felt about Pilot,” Sharif said. “She said she had blown the s.o.b. up herself just recently and had gotten not so much as a thank you. I think she felt the world was better off without the plastic bastard. I have better things to do, but I’m now reaching out to the Mojo and asking that they bring back a flesh and blood coach, even if it’s a dead one.
“I’m much more concerned, though, with my team’s play at the moment. We got no fire, we got no ground game, we got not Krankenstein…we got nothing right now. And, I’ll say this — Amy better get that skinny ass up into the pressbox before kickoff of the Bacchanal or she’ll never see the inside of the new Cherry Bomb.”
When informed by an aide that the commissioner had called to inform the Bakes that they still could clinch a playoff spot even with the loss, he seemed stunned, then elated.
“Good!” he said. “[Expletive] you all in the neck! I got's to get my goose on!”
Pilot’s deflated body was discovered wadded up and thrown into heavy brush aside the fairway of the 13th hole on McCabe Golf Course, located near the team’s headquarters. The body appeared to have been there several hours and was covered with what appeared to be critter excrement. The body is now awaiting autopsy.
In an all-too-familiar situation, 12th Ave. Bakers owner Sharif met with reporters on the steps outside the local precinct. There, Sharif expressed bewilderment at the death and Winehouse’s arrest, but seemed more concerned by the poor play of the Bakers against the record-setting East Nashville Black Dogs. The disheveled Sharif readily admitted to police and reporters that he was aware of a “thing” going on between Winehouse, Pilot and local right-wing talk radio host Phil Valentine. He voiced his support of Winehouse, saying that she was “in the studio with Snoop all night last night,” and had been in no condition to leave, much less commit murder.
It was at this private studio owned by Bakers head coach, Snoop Dogg, in which Winehouse was arrested. As she was loaded into the back of a cruiser in the early morning hours, witnesses saw Snoop Dogg emerge from his working residence clad in a bathrobe and waving what appeared to be a Bakers throwback jersey to give to Winehouse for warmth. He was subdued by officers at the scene and the jersey was placed into a jumbo baggie and taken.
Sharif told reporters that he had been home spending a quiet night of mourning his team’s rout at the hands of the Black Dogs when first notified.
“My housekeeper, Ms. Cherry Parade, is the one who alerted me,” Sharif said. “I had dozed off in my trophy room — the room where I feel closest to Furious George, and the room where I go to find solace. It had offered me but hard purchase this night and after a laudanum and brandy I drifted. Imagine my surprise when Ms. Parade woke me with the news … I had always thought Snoop took these losses as hard as I do, but apparently I am wrong.”
Incidentally, Ms. Parade is carrying the love child of the deceased George, a former Sharif insider and cousin to legendary Baker mascot Mr. TD. Parade also lives at Sharif’s sprawling bungalow retreat in the West End area.
Sharif also told reporters that he had spoken with Winehouse briefly as she awaited interrogation and that she had angrily denied the charge, though she was happy Pilot was now dead.
“Amy shared with me how she felt about Pilot,” Sharif said. “She said she had blown the s.o.b. up herself just recently and had gotten not so much as a thank you. I think she felt the world was better off without the plastic bastard. I have better things to do, but I’m now reaching out to the Mojo and asking that they bring back a flesh and blood coach, even if it’s a dead one.
“I’m much more concerned, though, with my team’s play at the moment. We got no fire, we got no ground game, we got not Krankenstein…we got nothing right now. And, I’ll say this — Amy better get that skinny ass up into the pressbox before kickoff of the Bacchanal or she’ll never see the inside of the new Cherry Bomb.”
When informed by an aide that the commissioner had called to inform the Bakes that they still could clinch a playoff spot even with the loss, he seemed stunned, then elated.
“Good!” he said. “[Expletive] you all in the neck! I got's to get my goose on!”
