TIRIK OBOBBER???
By Bill O'Really, FAUX News
Not since The Artist Formally Known As Prince has a public figure attempted such a radical change in his public persona as that announced today by Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs owner Tirik Obobber, formerly known as Triki Bobber, who before that was known as Tricky Bob.
In a press release issued today, Obobber had this to say: "Effective today I am changing my name to Tirik Obobber. I am a different person than I used to be. I can thank Meemaw Murrman for that. By whacking me over the head with a skillet and clipping my cods, she made a new man out of me; a more gentle man, a more sensitive man, a more compassionate man. For this I am forever grateful to her."
"I have chosen the name Tirik Obobber, as it symbolizes CHANGE, a change we can believe in."
Obobber continued: "I hear that other key figures in the NFFA, namely Boyd X. Biggs, Jim McMahon, Buddy Ryan and Commissioner Willie D. Money (the self-proclaimed "Sopranos"), also had their nads removed recently. I condemn and denounce these nut cuttings. I want everyone to know that I had nothing to do with these despicable acts. I do not know who carried them out, but I am offering a million dollar reward to anyone who can conclusively prove who committed these terrible acts so they can be brought to justice.
"I am pleased to report that my tes-tay-tays are growing back. I have been seeing an Ayurvedic physician in India who has prescribed for me a rare herb that promotes the re-growth of severed tissue. The herb is called Ballswellia. It is working for me. To show my support to "the Sopranos" who unfortunately suffered the same fate as myself a couple of weeks ago, I am sending a year's supply of Ballswellia to each of them free of charge in hopes that they will be able to re-grow their packages as well.
"To my opponent this weekend, Mojo D, I wish him and his team the best of luck."
In a press release issued today, Obobber had this to say: "Effective today I am changing my name to Tirik Obobber. I am a different person than I used to be. I can thank Meemaw Murrman for that. By whacking me over the head with a skillet and clipping my cods, she made a new man out of me; a more gentle man, a more sensitive man, a more compassionate man. For this I am forever grateful to her."
"I have chosen the name Tirik Obobber, as it symbolizes CHANGE, a change we can believe in."
Obobber continued: "I hear that other key figures in the NFFA, namely Boyd X. Biggs, Jim McMahon, Buddy Ryan and Commissioner Willie D. Money (the self-proclaimed "Sopranos"), also had their nads removed recently. I condemn and denounce these nut cuttings. I want everyone to know that I had nothing to do with these despicable acts. I do not know who carried them out, but I am offering a million dollar reward to anyone who can conclusively prove who committed these terrible acts so they can be brought to justice.
"I am pleased to report that my tes-tay-tays are growing back. I have been seeing an Ayurvedic physician in India who has prescribed for me a rare herb that promotes the re-growth of severed tissue. The herb is called Ballswellia. It is working for me. To show my support to "the Sopranos" who unfortunately suffered the same fate as myself a couple of weeks ago, I am sending a year's supply of Ballswellia to each of them free of charge in hopes that they will be able to re-grow their packages as well.
"To my opponent this weekend, Mojo D, I wish him and his team the best of luck."
