improve to 10-0 against the Scouts this weekend.
MCMAHON: FORGET THE ALAMO
By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press
In what he later described as "the problem with having Morning Glory magaritas at 10 a.m., " East Nashville Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon delivered a 10-minute rant at his weekly media circus Wednesday on "the problem" with Alamo Scouts owner/coach Thurman Murrman being NFFA Coach of the Week.
With the team's new theme song, "Mighty, Mighty East Side," blaring through the house P.A., McMahon held court at FooBar Too in East Nashville and began the press event with a professorial tone. "This Coach of the Week [expletive] is based solely on whether you started your optimal lineup," he explained. "But even if the Scouts had scored as many points as possible, the only people Thur Murr would have beaten last weekend were his Uncle Lex and Mojo D-minus, who I understand is on suicide watch.
"So, forget the Alamo — QCurl should be Coach of the Week," he said. "The Bakers had never had a winning record for even one week prior to last week and now they've had one for two weeks and are guaranteed to have one for at least one more week. And besides, Q beat Mojo D, and Jorge [Linardo] recently told me Mojo D was like the son he never had, and he was glad he never had that son.
"But back to Thur Murr, while we might put 200 points on his ass for the third time this weekend, I do want to pay my respects to his grandmother, Meemaw Murrman. I became a big fan of hers after reading about the whipping she put on Punky Brewster, I mean Triki Bobber, when he was posing as 'Bob America.' Yeah, right. Bobber is as American as Hitler, which, of course, was another of his aliases. In case you hadn't heard, Meemaw Murrman beat Bobber within an inch of his life.
"So, after Thur Murr assumes the bohica position for us again, I'm looking forward to meeting Meemaw Murrman and having a victory breakfast at the Sunny Side Up featuring one of her famous southwestern omelettes."
When asked by Joe Biddle if he thought the Black Dogs would run their undefeated streak to 10 games against the Scouts, McMahon, became animated and said loudly, "What, did you just get here? Do I think we're going to beat the Scouts? Do I think you're a dickless, Gannett fossil? Do I think the sun will come up tomorrow? Do I think [Black Dogs GM] Buddy [Ryan] kicked your ass and threw you in a dumpster a few years ago? Do I think Buddy [expletive] in the woods. Do I think Mojo D is the new Bobber? Do I think the Midtown Mojo are the new Bakers? Do I think Bill Money is Jorge's original 'boy'? Do I think Jorge is really in charge and always has been? Do I think the Beelzebubbas and Black Dogs will be mere vehicles of the Curse of Dominica this weekend? Do I think Lex is trying to out-Bobber Bobber? Do I think Dave the Animal is not only a poet and knows it, but also is a quarterback genius? Do I think everything except our awareness has already happened? Do I think QCurl should be Coach of the Week? Do I think Larry Woody better watch his back on Avenue Q? Do I miss the Cherry Bomb? Am I worried about the end of the Mayan Long Count in 2012? Do I think I am wasted at whatever time in the morning it is?"
As McMahon paused to take another large sip from his Morning Glory Margarita, Biddle tried to say that he hadn't asked about all "that," but McMahon quickly regained control of the press conference, stating that "the answer to all that previous [expletive] is 'hell, yes.'"
After announcing a few lineup changes he planned for this weekend, McMahon ended the press conference on a somber note" "I just want to say my heart goes out to the Mojo's Pompatus of Love, Miss Lee Yhn. None of us can imagine the burden she bears as the primary caregiver for Mojo D. I say NoMo D. They should just let her call the shots. Speaking of which, who's supposed to be bringing me another damn magarita."
With the team's new theme song, "Mighty, Mighty East Side," blaring through the house P.A., McMahon held court at FooBar Too in East Nashville and began the press event with a professorial tone. "This Coach of the Week [expletive] is based solely on whether you started your optimal lineup," he explained. "But even if the Scouts had scored as many points as possible, the only people Thur Murr would have beaten last weekend were his Uncle Lex and Mojo D-minus, who I understand is on suicide watch.
"So, forget the Alamo — QCurl should be Coach of the Week," he said. "The Bakers had never had a winning record for even one week prior to last week and now they've had one for two weeks and are guaranteed to have one for at least one more week. And besides, Q beat Mojo D, and Jorge [Linardo] recently told me Mojo D was like the son he never had, and he was glad he never had that son.
"But back to Thur Murr, while we might put 200 points on his ass for the third time this weekend, I do want to pay my respects to his grandmother, Meemaw Murrman. I became a big fan of hers after reading about the whipping she put on Punky Brewster, I mean Triki Bobber, when he was posing as 'Bob America.' Yeah, right. Bobber is as American as Hitler, which, of course, was another of his aliases. In case you hadn't heard, Meemaw Murrman beat Bobber within an inch of his life.
"So, after Thur Murr assumes the bohica position for us again, I'm looking forward to meeting Meemaw Murrman and having a victory breakfast at the Sunny Side Up featuring one of her famous southwestern omelettes."
When asked by Joe Biddle if he thought the Black Dogs would run their undefeated streak to 10 games against the Scouts, McMahon, became animated and said loudly, "What, did you just get here? Do I think we're going to beat the Scouts? Do I think you're a dickless, Gannett fossil? Do I think the sun will come up tomorrow? Do I think [Black Dogs GM] Buddy [Ryan] kicked your ass and threw you in a dumpster a few years ago? Do I think Buddy [expletive] in the woods. Do I think Mojo D is the new Bobber? Do I think the Midtown Mojo are the new Bakers? Do I think Bill Money is Jorge's original 'boy'? Do I think Jorge is really in charge and always has been? Do I think the Beelzebubbas and Black Dogs will be mere vehicles of the Curse of Dominica this weekend? Do I think Lex is trying to out-Bobber Bobber? Do I think Dave the Animal is not only a poet and knows it, but also is a quarterback genius? Do I think everything except our awareness has already happened? Do I think QCurl should be Coach of the Week? Do I think Larry Woody better watch his back on Avenue Q? Do I miss the Cherry Bomb? Am I worried about the end of the Mayan Long Count in 2012? Do I think I am wasted at whatever time in the morning it is?"
As McMahon paused to take another large sip from his Morning Glory Margarita, Biddle tried to say that he hadn't asked about all "that," but McMahon quickly regained control of the press conference, stating that "the answer to all that previous [expletive] is 'hell, yes.'"
After announcing a few lineup changes he planned for this weekend, McMahon ended the press conference on a somber note" "I just want to say my heart goes out to the Mojo's Pompatus of Love, Miss Lee Yhn. None of us can imagine the burden she bears as the primary caregiver for Mojo D. I say NoMo D. They should just let her call the shots. Speaking of which, who's supposed to be bringing me another damn magarita."
