to the Black Dogs for Derek Anderson.
KEEPERS ANNOUNCED
Dogs, Bubbas swap star players seconds before the keeper deadline
By R.E. Porter, Associated Web Press
In a blockbuster deal, East Nashville and West Nashville swapped star players Tuesday just moments before the NFFA's keeper deadline. Then late Tuesday afternoon, the AWP obtained a list of the keeper players for the eight NFFA franchises from a source deep within the commissioner's office.
The Black Dogs traded quarterback Derek Anderson to the Beelzebubbas for defensive lineman Jared Allen literally beyond the 11th hour. East Nashville GM Buddy Ryan and West Nashville owner Boyd X. Biggs pulled the trigger on the deal at 11:59 a.m CDT. The official deadline was noon CDT. "We were trying to unload Brett Favre, but Biggs held out for Derek Anderson and we caved just to get the deal done by the deadline," Ryan explained. "Biggs jobbed us on this one, but what goes around comes around."
When asked why he would trade a star quarterback to a division rival, Ryan said, "I don't need a [expletive] reason. [Expletive] you, [expletive] Bobber, and [expletive] that stupid monkey everybody's crying about."
Reached late Tuesday evening by satellite phone in the third sub-basement of Club Gitmo — which is not yet officially open, but where partying was already taking place — Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon said he liked the trade. "I asked Buddy to get me a stud defensive lineman and he got the best in the game, so what's not to like," McMahon asked rhetorically.
Biggs, who was with McMahon at Club Gitmo, said of the trade: "We started talking about this deal at 11:58 and had it wrapped up by 11:59 even with the haggling over Favre. Technology is amazing, and fortunately, like my Visa card, our trades are preapproved." Then he thought about it for a minute and added, "Come to think of it, now I'm freed up to test out the Club Gitmo water-boarding room on Carson Palmer's under-performing ass."
When asked about the the keeper list obtained by the AWP, Biggs said, "Well, I haven't seen the list myself yet, but based on what I heard from the league office, the most puzzling thing is that the Sea Hogs didn't keep Peyton Manning. I'm sure the Bakers will snap him up with the first pick and that will surely turn their fortunes around."
When informed by this reporter that the list obtained by the AWP showed the Sea Hogs keeping Manning, Biggs said, "You'd better check with Hillary, son."
On a related note, the AWP learned from the same league source that both the Alamo Scouts and the Cambridge Animals will be fined for missing the noon deadline. According to the source, the Scouts, who were nearly 23 hours late in submitting their keepers, will be fined $1 million. The Animals, who missed the deadline by only one minute, also will receive a fine of $1 million. The source said the commissioner saw no difference in the two violations, stating, "Late is late."
Here are the unofficial 2008 NFFA keepers:
The Black Dogs traded quarterback Derek Anderson to the Beelzebubbas for defensive lineman Jared Allen literally beyond the 11th hour. East Nashville GM Buddy Ryan and West Nashville owner Boyd X. Biggs pulled the trigger on the deal at 11:59 a.m CDT. The official deadline was noon CDT. "We were trying to unload Brett Favre, but Biggs held out for Derek Anderson and we caved just to get the deal done by the deadline," Ryan explained. "Biggs jobbed us on this one, but what goes around comes around."
When asked why he would trade a star quarterback to a division rival, Ryan said, "I don't need a [expletive] reason. [Expletive] you, [expletive] Bobber, and [expletive] that stupid monkey everybody's crying about."
Reached late Tuesday evening by satellite phone in the third sub-basement of Club Gitmo — which is not yet officially open, but where partying was already taking place — Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon said he liked the trade. "I asked Buddy to get me a stud defensive lineman and he got the best in the game, so what's not to like," McMahon asked rhetorically.
Biggs, who was with McMahon at Club Gitmo, said of the trade: "We started talking about this deal at 11:58 and had it wrapped up by 11:59 even with the haggling over Favre. Technology is amazing, and fortunately, like my Visa card, our trades are preapproved." Then he thought about it for a minute and added, "Come to think of it, now I'm freed up to test out the Club Gitmo water-boarding room on Carson Palmer's under-performing ass."
When asked about the the keeper list obtained by the AWP, Biggs said, "Well, I haven't seen the list myself yet, but based on what I heard from the league office, the most puzzling thing is that the Sea Hogs didn't keep Peyton Manning. I'm sure the Bakers will snap him up with the first pick and that will surely turn their fortunes around."
When informed by this reporter that the list obtained by the AWP showed the Sea Hogs keeping Manning, Biggs said, "You'd better check with Hillary, son."
On a related note, the AWP learned from the same league source that both the Alamo Scouts and the Cambridge Animals will be fined for missing the noon deadline. According to the source, the Scouts, who were nearly 23 hours late in submitting their keepers, will be fined $1 million. The Animals, who missed the deadline by only one minute, also will receive a fine of $1 million. The source said the commissioner saw no difference in the two violations, stating, "Late is late."
Here are the unofficial 2008 NFFA keepers:
12th Avenue Bakers: QB Drew Brees, RB Larry Johnson, WR Terrell Owens, DL Terrell Suggs, LB A.J. Hawk, DB Adam Jones.
Alamo Scouts: QB Ben Roethlisberger, RB Brian Westbrooks, WR Larry Fitzgerald, DL Julius Peppers, LB Keith Bulluck, DB Ed Reed.
Atlanta Smack Daddies: QB Eli Manning, RB LaDainian Tomlinson, WR Brandon Marshall, DL Darnell Dockett, LB DeMarcus Ware, DB Nate Clements
Cambridge Animals: QB Jay Cutler, RB Clinton Portis, WR Randy Moss, DL Gregg Kelly, LB Ray Lewis, DB Champ Bailey.
East Nashville Black Dogs: QB Tony Romo, RB Maurice Jones-Drew, WR Braylon Edwards, DL Jared Allen, LB Brian Urlacher, DB Terrence McGee.
Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs: QB Peyton Manning, RB Joseph Addai, WR Wes Welker, DL Jason Taylor, LB DeMeco Ryans, DB Ellis Hobbs.
Midtown Mojo: QB Tom Brady, RB Jamal Lewis, WR Reggie Wayne, DL Kyle Vanden Bosch, LB London Fletcher, DB Jermaine Phillips.
West Nashville Beelzebubbas: QB Derek Anderson, RB Adrian Peterson, WR Andre Johnson, DL Trent Cole, LB James Harrison, DB Antonio Cromartie.
