Linardo Welcomes A-List Celebs; McMahon Spends Draft Night with 10¢ Draft Beers in Tora Bora Room
By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya, Fantasy Sports News
International peace campaigner turned impresario Jorge Linardo welcomed approximately 200 VIP guests Monday to the official grand opening of Club Gitmo in West Nashville, while more than 500 Beelzebubbas fans watched the televised NFFA draft inside the club’s main bar and banqueting hall.
Among the numerous invited guests in attendance were Nashville mayor Karl Dean, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Brigitte Nielsen, Gen. Norman Schwartzkopf, Dennis Rodman, the Dixie Chicks, Ringo Starr, Carson Kressley, Cambridge Animals quarterback Vince Young, and 12th Avenue Bakers stars Terrell Owens and Pacman Jones, along with several Bakers cheerleaders.
Other NFFA figures were on hand, too — notably East Nashville coach Jim McMahon, who watched the league draft from a barstool in the cavernous Tora Bora Room while downing a seemingly endless supply of Jamaican Red Stripe beers on draft at the special grand-opening “tortured price” of 10¢ each. Just before 10 p.m., McMahon pronounced himself “highly pleased” with his team’s draft choices and left, saying, “It’s time to get to work on our Week One game plan: Bobber delenda est.”
Meanwhile, ex-Midtown mascot Mojo Jojo entered conspicuously flanked by Mo and Cash Money, removed Monday as deputy NFFA commissioners by their father, William D. Money. The sisters, announced Jojo, would be celebrity cage dancers at the opening of his new Hillsboro Village club, the JoJo-a-GoGo.
After welcoming remarks, Linardo told the crowd the disappointing news that one of the scheduled guests, ex-PFC Lynndie England, would be unable to attend. The Abu Ghraib veteran, Linardo said, had been called back into service at the secret federal detention facility where Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs owner Triki Bobber is being held. England, said Linardo, would appear at the club “soon.”
Later, a mustachioed uniformed man in a beret stepped to the microphone and introduced himself as Saddam Hussein, the President of Iraq. Linardo, appearing to be caught off guard, said the man was actually one of Saddam’s former body doubles who had requested asylum in the U.S. and was living temporarily at the club.
The evening literally got off with a bang. Just after the official welcome, the walls of the club were shaken briefly by the sound of an explosion. After panicked screams by the guests, Beelzebubbas community relations director Anton Chigur called for calm and announced that security guards in the watch towers along the property’s perimeter had stopped a “fanatical Midtown Mojo suicide bomber” and that “everything is fine except his punky little Hillsboro-Belmont ass and his Volvo.” After pausing for a moment, he smiled faintly and added, “Actually, we just set off a sack of M-80s outside to get you good folks in the mood,” prompting Linardo to throw his head back and shake with silent laughter.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Just before her speech at the Democratic national convention, Sea Hogs president Hillary Clinton announced that she had “re-suspended” team owner Triki Bobber for spreading false information just before Monday’s NFFA Draft. Bobber, she said, had supplied fellow owners with a false report on the health of running back Stephen Jackson, hoping to secure Jackson for the Sea Hogs. “Lying men will not be tolerated in my administration,” said Clinton, who also announced that Brett Favre would start game one for the Sea Hogs — “unless he turns out to be a liar, too.”
Among the numerous invited guests in attendance were Nashville mayor Karl Dean, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Brigitte Nielsen, Gen. Norman Schwartzkopf, Dennis Rodman, the Dixie Chicks, Ringo Starr, Carson Kressley, Cambridge Animals quarterback Vince Young, and 12th Avenue Bakers stars Terrell Owens and Pacman Jones, along with several Bakers cheerleaders.
Other NFFA figures were on hand, too — notably East Nashville coach Jim McMahon, who watched the league draft from a barstool in the cavernous Tora Bora Room while downing a seemingly endless supply of Jamaican Red Stripe beers on draft at the special grand-opening “tortured price” of 10¢ each. Just before 10 p.m., McMahon pronounced himself “highly pleased” with his team’s draft choices and left, saying, “It’s time to get to work on our Week One game plan: Bobber delenda est.”
Meanwhile, ex-Midtown mascot Mojo Jojo entered conspicuously flanked by Mo and Cash Money, removed Monday as deputy NFFA commissioners by their father, William D. Money. The sisters, announced Jojo, would be celebrity cage dancers at the opening of his new Hillsboro Village club, the JoJo-a-GoGo.
After welcoming remarks, Linardo told the crowd the disappointing news that one of the scheduled guests, ex-PFC Lynndie England, would be unable to attend. The Abu Ghraib veteran, Linardo said, had been called back into service at the secret federal detention facility where Fidalgo Island Sea Hogs owner Triki Bobber is being held. England, said Linardo, would appear at the club “soon.”
Later, a mustachioed uniformed man in a beret stepped to the microphone and introduced himself as Saddam Hussein, the President of Iraq. Linardo, appearing to be caught off guard, said the man was actually one of Saddam’s former body doubles who had requested asylum in the U.S. and was living temporarily at the club.
The evening literally got off with a bang. Just after the official welcome, the walls of the club were shaken briefly by the sound of an explosion. After panicked screams by the guests, Beelzebubbas community relations director Anton Chigur called for calm and announced that security guards in the watch towers along the property’s perimeter had stopped a “fanatical Midtown Mojo suicide bomber” and that “everything is fine except his punky little Hillsboro-Belmont ass and his Volvo.” After pausing for a moment, he smiled faintly and added, “Actually, we just set off a sack of M-80s outside to get you good folks in the mood,” prompting Linardo to throw his head back and shake with silent laughter.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Just before her speech at the Democratic national convention, Sea Hogs president Hillary Clinton announced that she had “re-suspended” team owner Triki Bobber for spreading false information just before Monday’s NFFA Draft. Bobber, she said, had supplied fellow owners with a false report on the health of running back Stephen Jackson, hoping to secure Jackson for the Sea Hogs. “Lying men will not be tolerated in my administration,” said Clinton, who also announced that Brett Favre would start game one for the Sea Hogs — “unless he turns out to be a liar, too.”
