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| East Nashville GM Rex Ryan points angrily at reporter Joe Biddle during a volatile exchange at the Black Dogs NFFA Media Days appearance. |
By Ariel-Mutha Tafoya
FSN Sports
In all his years as a player and now as a head coach, Joe Montana said he had never stood before the media at a press event and failed to be asked a question. But that was how it went when it was the Black Dogs’ turn at NFFA Media Days 2022.
“I’m still getting used to this league,” said the Black Dogs coach afterward. “It’s the greatest league in sports, but things work a little differently here.”
New Black Dogs logo.
When Montana and GM Rex Ryan ascended the dais in the large hall at Nashville’s Downtown Convention Center, where Media Days were moved this year to accommodate thousands of fans, Ryan spoke first, introducing the team’s new logo, which was projected behind him. He also showed the assembled media how the logo would be used on the team’s redesigned helmets, jerseys and licensed merchandise.
“We believe this new look adds energy while preserving the history and equity of the Black Dogs’ brand,” Ryan said. He draw attention to the small 16-0 inscription on the back of the helmets — a reference to the team’s never-duplicated perfect season. “It’s not just about some old record,” said Ryan. “It’s a reminder of our goal every year.”
Even before Ryan could formally open the floor to questions, reporter Joe Biddle shouted, “Speaking of old, Rex, is [Black Dogs owner] Bill Money OK? Is he dead? I mean, he hasn’t been seen in three years. Why isn’t he here today?”
Ryan bristled noticeably, and Biddle appeared to smile faintly at the thought that he might have hit a nerve.
Ryan repeated the question: “Is Bill Money dead? Dead? Let me tell you something, Fishbait, Bill Money is more alive right now than you were when you were 18. He inspires all of us to live life more fully.
“Do you know who you’re disrespecting here? Let me tell you about Bill Money. Mr. Money is the only person who sang backup vocals on two of the most iconic songs by two of the world’s most iconic bands. Did you even know that? You don’t know diddly-shit about Bill Money.”
“What songs are you referring to?” asked Biddle.
“When Bill was studying at the London School of Economics — did you know he earned a degree from the London School of Economics? — he became friends with one of his classmates, Mick Jagger. They formed a study group. Bill would share his notes with Mick, and Mick would share his women with Bill. That’s how he met Marianne Faithful. That’s how me met Lady Diana’s aunt, who became the mother of his son, Jesus Money. This is all in the history books if you bother to read.
“So when the Stones were recording in 1966, Mick invited Bill to sit in on the session where they were cutting ‘Paint It, Black.’ And then, because Bill was there and Mick heard him humming along, he got the idea to put in background vocals near the end with people humming. When you listen to that song and hear that ‘mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-a,’ that’s the man I work for that you’re hearing.”
“I didn’t know that,” Biddle said.
“We could fill the seven oceans with shit you don’t know,” Ryan shot back. “And the next year when Bill and Mick had gone one night to the Roaring Twenties nightclub on Carnaby Street, that’s when he met John Lennon and Dr. Jorgé Linardo, although at the time he didn’t know who Dr. Linardo was. Dr. Linardo was in London promoting his theories about herbal healing and traditional medicine, and that’s how he got to be in John Lennon’s orbit. And they were at this same club where Bill and Mick were hanging out, and everybody was getting high, and then Mick left with Susanna York, who Bill later dated for a while.
“And so they were all sitting there, and then someone says, ‘I’m going to the loo’ – which means bathroom in English. And Dr. Linardo, because he’s fucked up, hears it as ‘Goo-goo-goo-gajoob.’
“So he says ‘Goo-goo-g’joob?’ and John Lennon says, ‘Jorgé, you’re fucked up!’
“And Dr. Linardo says, ‘EVERYBODY’S fucked up!’
“And so John Lennon says, ‘We’ve got to get to the studio right now!’ And he gathers up everyone there, including Bill Money, who barely even knows John Lennon at that point, and they all pile into this Rolls-Royce limo and go to the Abbey Road Studio. And John calls Paul, George and Ringo on the way and tells them to meet there, and it’s like 2 am, but they sit up all night and put together ‘I Am the Walrus,’ where John sings ‘Goo-goo-goo-job,’ and he’s basically written it all in his head on the limo ride, and at the end Bill Money and Dr. Linardo and everybody else who was with them at the club, including Lulu and Bob Keeshan, who you remember as Captain Kangaroo, are all chanting ‘Everybody’s fucked UP! Everybody’s fucked UP!’ over and over.’ And then George Martin came in later and added the orchestral shit and they got this actor to read lines from King Lear in the background, and then they all went and did some more LSD.
“So that’s how Bill Money came to be part of two of the most famous songs in history, and it doesn’t even end there. Because later that year Bernie Taupin comes to London and got to know Mr. Money and that’s where he got the line ‘He calls his child Jesus because he liked the name,’ which was part of the lyric he wrote for Elton John that became ‘Levon.’ So, really, Bill contributed directly or indirectly to three rock standards.”
Biddle interjected: “So, you’re saying Bill Money was getting high and making music in London while some people, like my colleague Woody Larry, were humping it in Vietnam?”
“Well,” Ryan retorted, “from the way things turned out, I’d say Mr. Money made better use of his time in those days than some of you boys did. But I thank all our vets for their service. Now, how about you, Joltin’ Joe? What have you ever done but write lazy hack stories, rip off real sportswriters like Blackie Sherrod and get drunk? You couldn’t be a pimple on Blackie Sherrod’s ass, and Blackie’s dead.”
By this point, Ryan was working himself into a lather. “You know what?” he said. “My father told me about you” – a reference to former Black Dogs GM Buddy Ryan, who regularly jousted with Biddle and offered free I Beat Biddle bumper stickers to anyone who assaulted the sports columnist on the street. “In fact, I remember the day my father stuffed you into a garbage can. Maybe it’s time we revived an old Black Dogs tradition.”
With that, Ryan leaped from the dais to the floor and seized a startled Biddle before the septugenarian writer could react. With one powerful hand holding the neck of Biddle’s shirt and the other holding him by the seat of his pants, he carried the journalist to a corner of the room and hoisted him head-first into a large plastic garbage can. “Touchdown! Game over!” Ryan yelled, raising both arms upright. As officials tried to restore order, Ryan stormed out, followed by Montana, who turned toward the TV cameras and shrugged.
At that point, a spontaneous chant of “I beat Biddle! I beat Biddle!” arose from among the thousands of Black Dogs fans who were watching the news conference on a Jumbotron outside the convention center.
“I wish we could bottle that performance and give it to our players like Gatorade,” said Montana afterward. “We’d be 16-0 every year.”
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