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| In advance of this weekend's NFFA title game, East Nashville Black Dogs coach Jim McMahon (cutaway) has taken up residence inside Corsairs owner Mojo D's head. |
By R.E. Porter
Associated Web Press
NASHVEGAS—East Nashville head coach Jim MaMahon is known for hosting bizarre press conferences, but early this morning he held what has to be his most bizarre press conference yet.
McMahon has his Black Dogs team on the brink of an unprecedented fourth NFFA championship as they host the Corsairs in the 2012 NFFA title game this weekend at Dawg House Stadium. Earlier today, the Black Dogs coach invited credentialed media to participate via Skype in a live video press briefing at noon EST. Once the press conference began, the East Nashville head coach could be seen in a spacious room with beautiful hardwood floors. There was a backpack on the floor and a ladder in the far rear corner, but nothing else.
"I'm coming to you today from inside [Corsairs owner] Mojo D's head," McMahon said. "I'm just getting settled in, and as you can see, there's not much here." He turned and gestured with his hand toward the empty room behind him, then turned back and laughed.
Continuing he said, "Before I open the floor up for questions, I want to thank [Black Dogs GM] Buddy Ryan. He may not be Wilder the Animal, but he put together a great team: A Top 5 quarterback, three Top 10 running backs, the No. 1 receiver, the No. 1 tight end, a Top 10 placekicker, the No. 2 defensive lineman, a Top 5 linebacker and two Top 5 defensive backs; plus a deep bench. So thanks, Buddy.
"I also want to thank the heart and soul of this team, linebacker Brian Urlacher, who has dealt with injuries for a good part of the year, but has nevertheless been a leader on this team. Brian is the only player who has been on all three Black Dogs championship teams. Although he will not be able to play in this weekend's title match, we plan to win a fourth ring for the man we like to call 'The Beast.'"
"I'll now open the floor up for questions." The first few questions dealt with details of the title game Here's a sampling:
"Does the team's signing of Colin Kaepernick indicate a change at quarterback?" ("No, Matthew Stafford is our starter.")
"Will you stick with the same three running backs who started in the semifinal game?" ("Not sure, yet. Everyone's playing great, so that's a problem I like to have.")
Then the press conference took a left turn when Ariel Mutha-Tafoya of FSN asked, "How did you get inside Mojo D's head?"
"Well, it's sort of like the movie Being John Malkovich," McMahon said. "I found a portal into his head and I go in there from time to time — basically, anytime I need some peace and quiet because not much is going on in there. I don't want to go into it any further because I don't want there to be a big rush of people in here. It's the last great American wilderness and I want to preserve it.
"Really, the challenge isn't getting in here, it's getting out," he continued. "You lose all perspective, it's like being in the Sahara with sand dunes as far as the eye can see. Plus my GPS goes haywire in here and cell service is spotty."
The next question came from Woody Larry, who asked, "Do you plan to alter the team's routine in anyway this week?"
"Well, Woody, the one thing I am considering is to have the players check out of the team hotel on Friday and spend Friday night here inside Mojo D's head," the Black Dogs coach said. "They will be able to get plenty of rest.
"I do want call your attention to the fact I will be hosting a celebrity ping pong tournament here on Friday afternoon, which will benefit my Forget To Hate Foundation. Joe Montana will square off with Deion Sanders in one of the opening rounds, and Justin Timberlake will take on Lindsay Lohan."
Then as is his custom, McMahon departed with a salutation in Latin: Nos mos pello pepulli pulsum Corsairs amo peruro mancipium.
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