By Ariel Mutha-Tafoya
Fantasy Sports News
12 SOUTH — Just in time for the season’s first meeting between the Bakers and Beelzebubbas, the hallowed Cherry Bomb Café will reopen its doors this Friday — and host what organizers have dubbed as a “Bacchanal Preview Party.”
The guest list for the fund-raising event — proceeds help defray costs for the rebuilding of the club — is a closely held secret. However, rumors swirled this week that among the attendees will be First Lady Michelle Obama, who previously had been a guest of Bakers’ owner QCurl Sharif for a draft night party in late August.
Other rumored invitees include longtime Bakers’ ticket holders Jack and Frank May, Nashvegas Mayor Karl Dean, David Letterman, Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi, Adam Dread, Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Congressman Steve Cohen, Joe Namath, the Duchess of Kent, Tom Arnold, Marsha Blackburn and Tony Dorsett. Dorsett is said to be negotiating with the Bakers to become the team’s new Mr. TD mascot in return for dropping a copyright infringement lawsuit against the team.
Some residents of Baker Nation complained that the private party was “undemocratic” and “against all the best Baker traditions,” in the words of superfan Bill Cheatham. Cheatham’s threat to lead a mass demonstration led Bakers’ PR maven Faith Popcorn to issue a statement: “No NFFA team has had a more intimate relationship with its fans, and I mean that in the most intimate sense of the word, than the Bakers and the Baker Nation. The Cherry Bomb is the people’s house. We simply ask for our fans to understand that we wouldn’t have been able to bring back the people’s house without the financial contributions of our VHPs — Very Helpful People.
“That being said — Mr. Cheatham is hereby invited — plus one.”
Along with its much beloved long bar and sports book, the reopened Cherry Bomb will include several new features, including a new wing of the Baker Museum dedicated to former QB Steve McNair and a Turkish bath area open to Black Card members. It was in the old Turkish bath area that McNair would recover and recharge, and the new one dutifully presents his bust as you enter.
The café celebrates the return of long-time chief mixologist Devlin Redd with two new drinks to complement its proprietary Touchdown Taser™. One, which Redd is said to have concocted for an Amy Winehouse-hosted birthday bash for Sharif, is known as the Mazel Tov Cocktail — a potent mix of Grey Goose with a skim layer of kerosene on top, which is ignited and served flaming. “Adam [Sandler] calls it the Lake Erie, but it doesn’t sound as festive, and besides, the flaming part is only temporary until the kerosene burns off,” says Redd.
The second new signature drink, which will be available only following Bakers’ wins, is known as the Seventh Seal. “It’s a little like a 7 & 7,” explained Redd, “but with some secret ingredients for extra kick. I can say the words absinthe and ether.
"Let’s just say it’s a revelation, and ‘revelation’ is not a word we use lightly around here.”
Sharif will personally cut the ribbon for the new facility after team officials discovered his whereabouts on Monday. Sharif had last been seen passed out in the party tent of Qaddafi outside New York City, where the Bakers’ owner had addressed the United Nations General Assembly. Somehow, as the Libyan leader’s camp was packed, Sharif apparently was flown to Tripoli, where he was informed of his team’s two consecutive losses as a traditional “sheep’s eyeball feast” was held in his honor. Sharif and Qaddafi arrived by private jet on Tuesday night, and the latter’s Bedouin tent was erected in Sevier Park.
In a rare public appearance, league founder and Beelzebubbas’ Chairman Dr. Jorgé Linardo will attend the grand opening along with his fianceé, actress January Jones. Beelzebubbas’ coach Boyd X. Biggs will lead the invocation, followed by a moment of silence for longtime Bacchanal emcee, Haven Hamilton, who died in September. “It won’t be the same without Haven,” Biggs said, “but death goes on.”
The guest list for the fund-raising event — proceeds help defray costs for the rebuilding of the club — is a closely held secret. However, rumors swirled this week that among the attendees will be First Lady Michelle Obama, who previously had been a guest of Bakers’ owner QCurl Sharif for a draft night party in late August.
Other rumored invitees include longtime Bakers’ ticket holders Jack and Frank May, Nashvegas Mayor Karl Dean, David Letterman, Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi, Adam Dread, Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Congressman Steve Cohen, Joe Namath, the Duchess of Kent, Tom Arnold, Marsha Blackburn and Tony Dorsett. Dorsett is said to be negotiating with the Bakers to become the team’s new Mr. TD mascot in return for dropping a copyright infringement lawsuit against the team.
Some residents of Baker Nation complained that the private party was “undemocratic” and “against all the best Baker traditions,” in the words of superfan Bill Cheatham. Cheatham’s threat to lead a mass demonstration led Bakers’ PR maven Faith Popcorn to issue a statement: “No NFFA team has had a more intimate relationship with its fans, and I mean that in the most intimate sense of the word, than the Bakers and the Baker Nation. The Cherry Bomb is the people’s house. We simply ask for our fans to understand that we wouldn’t have been able to bring back the people’s house without the financial contributions of our VHPs — Very Helpful People.
“That being said — Mr. Cheatham is hereby invited — plus one.”
Along with its much beloved long bar and sports book, the reopened Cherry Bomb will include several new features, including a new wing of the Baker Museum dedicated to former QB Steve McNair and a Turkish bath area open to Black Card members. It was in the old Turkish bath area that McNair would recover and recharge, and the new one dutifully presents his bust as you enter.
The café celebrates the return of long-time chief mixologist Devlin Redd with two new drinks to complement its proprietary Touchdown Taser™. One, which Redd is said to have concocted for an Amy Winehouse-hosted birthday bash for Sharif, is known as the Mazel Tov Cocktail — a potent mix of Grey Goose with a skim layer of kerosene on top, which is ignited and served flaming. “Adam [Sandler] calls it the Lake Erie, but it doesn’t sound as festive, and besides, the flaming part is only temporary until the kerosene burns off,” says Redd.
The second new signature drink, which will be available only following Bakers’ wins, is known as the Seventh Seal. “It’s a little like a 7 & 7,” explained Redd, “but with some secret ingredients for extra kick. I can say the words absinthe and ether.
"Let’s just say it’s a revelation, and ‘revelation’ is not a word we use lightly around here.”
Sharif will personally cut the ribbon for the new facility after team officials discovered his whereabouts on Monday. Sharif had last been seen passed out in the party tent of Qaddafi outside New York City, where the Bakers’ owner had addressed the United Nations General Assembly. Somehow, as the Libyan leader’s camp was packed, Sharif apparently was flown to Tripoli, where he was informed of his team’s two consecutive losses as a traditional “sheep’s eyeball feast” was held in his honor. Sharif and Qaddafi arrived by private jet on Tuesday night, and the latter’s Bedouin tent was erected in Sevier Park.
In a rare public appearance, league founder and Beelzebubbas’ Chairman Dr. Jorgé Linardo will attend the grand opening along with his fianceé, actress January Jones. Beelzebubbas’ coach Boyd X. Biggs will lead the invocation, followed by a moment of silence for longtime Bacchanal emcee, Haven Hamilton, who died in September. “It won’t be the same without Haven,” Biggs said, “but death goes on.”
